London

10 - "I'm not pregnant."

Alex

Christmas used to be something I looked forward to. Not so much for the presents because there was a big lack of it, but because it meant precious time with my father. Especially after my mother left. We'd just spent the day watching television and eating more than we could bare. I miss that quality time with him and ever since he died, Christmas is a big reminder of what I lost.

Still, I feel like I'm managing fine. For Christmas Eve me and Harry spent our day tucked up inside as he was finally free from work. He cooked and nurtured me and we watched a shitload of movies. There were a couple of moments in which I felt the need to own up to drinking a glass of wine. He never asked again and I know he truly believes I didn't do it. It's not as if it will upset him, but it would feel like a failure to say I lied. Even more than actually drinking alcohol.

On Christmas day we went to my uncle's house and spent the day with Sage and Nick as well. We cooked together and ate. We gave each other our presents and I wasn't surprised when I got a wine made in Palas from my uncle. I accepted of course not wanting to make a big fuss out of it. It's not that big a deal, I remind myself time after time. From Sage and Nick we got a nice little packet for our house with candles and a plant. It was nice to spend some time with them and Christmas felt okay again.

I feel entirely different when we are getting ready to meet Harry's parents. Apparently his sister won't be there because her husband has to play football. I don't mind it since I'm on the verge of a mental break down anyway. Harry doesn't seem to be better off. The last time he saw his parents was before he decided to go back to Palas. He has spoken to his mother since then, but his father hasn't bothered to pick up the phone.

I know it pains him but he never speaks about it. He has become better at handling his emotions and anger and it now no longer takes over his life. Right now, that's a bit different. So I try to not show him that I want to cry, puke, hyperventilate and basically just stay at home for this Boxing Day. But I breathe through it and before we know it, we're in a hotel in Brighton and I will meet his parents for the first time in a few moments. 

"Why are we even in a hotel? We could just take the train back tonight?" I ask Harry in hopes to make him stop fiddling around.

"She'll makes us stay the night. You have to know that my mother knows no boundaries. By agreeing to come to dinner, she'll think I'm moving back in."

"It's a lovely room," I say looking around, ignoring another negative comment on his mother.

I'm sat on the edge of the bed watching Harry move around nervously. It's a mystery to me what he's doing, but during whatever it is, he's making sure I know every bad side of his mother. The fact that he's so wound up to go back there makes me the calmer of the two of us. That says something.

When he's finally done with storming through the room he turns to look at me, gives me a kiss and stands up straight again. "Let's go."

He doesn't need to tell me twice since I want to get this dinner over with. With ease he guides me through this city that I haven't been to for a long time. The last time might even be Harry's birthday all those years ago. Soon after we left for Palas and decided to stay there. Kate, his friend, took over his apartment here and he never got to say goodbye to it.

"Are you still in touch with Kate?" I wonder out loud and he shakes his head.

"No, not really. We grew apart. But I believe she still lives in my old apartment."

"Where did you live when we were apart?" I ask and I'm proud that I'm able to talk about it so naturally.

"I rented something near the office."