London

69 - "Eli Styles."

Harry

"Harry, can I speak to you for a moment? Outside, please," Susan asks me and I give Alex a look before following the nurse to the hallway. 

"What?" I blurt, not wanting to drag on this moment. I can tell that whatever they're giving Alex is working and she's about ready to push. 

"Things might get intense in a moment. I want you to stay calm through it all. Is there someone who we can call?"

"What do you mean? Call? Do you think it will go wrong?"

"The baby's heartbeat has been dropping a lot. We need to move quick or we'll have to make it a C-section. Either way, it might be good for you to have some support. Any parents?"

"We don't have parents. It is just us. We'll be okay."

"What happened? To your parents?" She wonders and I feel a mixture of anger and sadness boil up. She's right to ask, and right to think they should be here. But instead of her helping me, she only makes me feel more alone and helpless. 

"They died, and my father lost the right to even be here if it was for his own health."

"I'm so sorry to hear that. If there is something we can do during this all, please let us know."

"Thank you, but I'm afraid it is just Alex and I."

"And a little baby on the way. Just know we're all here for you."

"I know," I tell her. "Can I go back in now?"

"Of course."

She pushes open the door, putting on gloves as she goes to check up on Alex. There's only one thing I can do and that is sit next to her and be there for her in any way she wants. At this point, that means keeping my mouth shut and not touch her. I have to give Susan credit though. She's the only one in the room to notice that I'm a ticking time bomb about to go off. It wouldn't surprise me if she already called security in case things go very wrong and I break everything within my reach.

Susan keeps giving me glances while I keep an eye on Alex. She's in pain, but zoned out to somewhere else. I don't think we're both realizing that we're going to parents soon- one way or another. Monitors around her keep beeping, worrying Susan and the doctor called Katherine. I can tell they both have done this a million times and it reassures me a bit, but I can't help the jittery feeling within me. Every old emotion that I thought I'd never feel again rises. Anger, fear, sadness, unfairness. It makes me feel like seventeen and it upsets me that I wish my mother was still here to keep me in track and tell me everything will be fine. Or Bob to make a joke and probably be the only one allowed near Alex. Instead we're alone since our best friends are enjoying their wedding night and I don't even know who else to call. I don't want to worry anyone. 

"Alex, dear, when you're ready, you're allowed to push, okay? We need to get this baby out," the doctor says and I feel ready to puke. 

Alex only nods, closes her eyes and starts to push. Her face turning red and sweaty, but she doesn't scream. She's just as quiet as before. I'm not sure how she does it, knowing that she must feel as scared as I am. She endures it all and gives it her everything no matter what the outcome will be. 

If everything goes right there's still a big possibility that the baby won't survive or grow up with problems. His heart rate dropped a couple of times and it is all too soon. He won't be more than 3 pounds and will need to be kept in an incubator for as long as needed. I don't even know if we'll be allowed to hold him. What a fucked up way to start your life. And there's Alex whose blood pressure is so high that I'm worried for her as well. She hasn't slept and it is in the middle of the night, wasn't allowed to eat anything in case she needed a C-section. She's exhausted but still working her hardest to do this all the natural way.