London

19 - "He's a dick."

Alex

"I set up a fund," she says and Harry immediately slouches in his seat and puts down his cup extra hard. I give him a warning look to at least let her finish. "I sold my shares and bought a place for me to live near Cambridge. The divorce is set in motion and we hope to do it under the radar. I'll go back to where I came from, take back my maiden name and hope to live there in peace that I haven't known for a while. And I won't feel totally at ease if I don't know that my children are alright. And I know Harry won't be alright if you aren't, Alex."

Unsure if I should speak or not I keep my mouth shut and glance to Harry who is very interested in his cup of coffee.

"So I set up two funds. One for your own business and one smaller one for you Alex to help you start a new career here. Explore what you want and achieve it."

"I'm not sure what to say," I tell her with a frown. Harry is still not bothered to look up. Probably because he'll get angry with her and is trying to be the bigger person. I admire his strength. 

"Thank you is all you need to say," she says. "Harry here must have told you that I like meddling and directing my children's lives. I'm trying to let that go, but there's one last thing I need to do and this is it. It's up to you how you want to spend this money. If you want to go to university, Alex, then use the money to pay for tuition so you can focus on only your studies and not work. Or use it for something else that you need to settle down for real here. I don't care. Same goes for you Harry."

"You hate tattoos," he says. "You hate that I have tattoos. Why would you do this? I'll never forgive you for the past, you know that."

"I know I can't make up for the past. So let me make the future better."

"With money?"

"Harry," she sighs. "You know that is how I was raised. I'm trying to change, but I can't change all of me."

Harry keeps quiet, but I suddenly feel the need to talk. This woman is offering me money after only meeting me twice. I know I missed a couple of years in which they had contact again, but after meeting her once and knowing Harry, I know they never resolved what happened in the past. And although I like her more than I thought and had a total different idea of her, I can't forget the things Harry told me either.

"Why now?" I ask. "I know I have missed the last years and I don't know all of what happened between you two, but clearly you are trying to make up for something. Why now?"

"Because it is time that I own up to my mistakes," she says and I can tell I'm offending her. 

In this moment I don't care. She is in my house and and she owns me an explanation. Most of all does Harry deserve an explanation for her horrendous behaviour in the past. All she does is own up to them by making excuses like she just did. She was raised a certain way, sure. I need more before I even consider using her money.

"And what are those mistakes?"

She looks lost for words and turns to Harry for support. I know I'm cornering her since Harry doesn't return her eye contact. He wants to hear her say it too. Needs it.

"If you want me to advise Harry to use your money for his own shop, you'll need to explain yourself to me. Own up to your mistakes by naming them. Because I have a feeling that for the past years they haven't been resolved yet. And if you really want to have peace and want Harry to be alright, you should be able to talk about it. For real."

She looks a bit torn between me and Harry but with a simple nod she seems to give me permission. I have a thousand questions for her buried deep inside of me since I first learned of her. It was five and a half years ago that I met Harry, kicked out of her house and afraid to love. Because he's strong he managed to make something of his life without her and even dared to love me because I proved to him real love does exist. But I'll never forget who he was before and sometimes still is and I'm not sure if either of us can forgive her for making him struggle like that.