London

38 - "I don't know what I want."

Alex

"Who is Thomas?" Nina wonders as I scan the house for the last time. "And why does he make you this... weird?"

I wave away her last comment with my hand, signalling Nina that I'm not acting weird.

"They're exes," Liam tells Nina, the amusement clear in his eyes. He never made a secret of loving Thomas and the way he made me happy and he's enjoying every second of my nerves of seeing him again. 

"When did you break up then?" Nina asks, keeping her attention on me. 

"A year and a half ago," I answer her.

"Yes, then they broke up," Liam starts off. "But he returned to Palas six months later and I'm pretty sure they would have gotten back together if he hadn't caught you with Zayn."

"Who is Zayn?" Nina looks lost, suddenly learning a very different side of me. She must have thought that I lived like a nun while me and Harry were split up. Just like I'm living right now, but she's about to learn that that's as far from the truth as you can get- Liam more than ready to spill the beans about me.

"Someone she used to fuck," Liam says, grinning hysterical.

"Even if that would have happened, he would have left me the second Harry got back to Palas," I point out to Liam. "It's why he left me in the first place as well."

"No, if you'd been with Thomas like Harry expected you too, nothing would have happened. He would have gotten over you and you would have chosen Thomas over Harry, and that's all he needed to know. And you both could have lived happily ever after."

"That's insane," Nina mutters, "and he's visiting now?"

"Yes," I pause, deciding everything is safe to show him. "And he doesn't know that I broke up with Harry or that I live here."

"Are we supposed to lie about that?" She wonders, looking from me to Liam. We both shake our head. "Okay, well, this is interesting. Are you sure that you're up for it?"

"As sure as I will ever be," I tell them, just as the intercom starts to ring. 

"Well, open up then," Liam says, his face almost bursting from his grin. He's a dick. 

"I can't open up, then he'll know I live here."

"He'll find it out soon enough," he says.

"I know, but I don't want him to find out this way. I'd like to talk to him about it," I tell Liam and he opens his mouth, but doesn't start his speech as Nina interrupts us both.

"Hello?" She speaks in the intercom.

"Hello? Thomas here," Thomas says and I can't hide my smile from the prospect of seeing him soon. 

Doctor Collins has planted seeds giving me hope that maybe this is a good thing, and Liam has watered them, but most of all I did myself by thinking about Thomas a lot this last day. And it is making me happy. I shake my head at how ridiculous that is and also thank my medication.

"Come on right in, Thomas," Nina says, pushing the buzzer.

I'm sure my heart is going to beat out of my chest when he opens the door and I finally see him after ignoring him for so long. It doesn't help that the three of us are simply staring at the door in anticipation, not even bothering to look occupied. When we hear him enter the gallery and knock on the door, I loose my cool.

"Liam, look like we were doing something fun," I tell him, sitting down by the coffee table and taking out the deck of cards we sometimes use at night to play a game.