London

35 - "It's lovely out today."

Alex

I thought I made the right decision by leaving Harry and returning to live with Liam, but the first night is awful. I can't sleep, his sobs echoing in my ear and the guilt so strong that I almost texted him back and picked up when he called me at three after midnight. Where and how I found the strength, I don't know because all I want is to be in his presence even if he hurts me and ignores my feelings.

After his unanswered call, I moved myself from my make-shift room to the bathroom where I locked myself inside. I'm sure Liam and Nina must have still heard me, but there I finally felt safe to let my emotions go on the cold tiles, puking when I thought of Harry and Susie. Crying when I thought of him being all alone now, about to lose his mother. Hitting my head against the wall because I am the stupidest person ever. When there's a knock on the door and someone enters moments after, they find me sleeping in the bathroom.

"Lex?" A soft voice mutters and slowly I open my eyes, wiggling my legs that feel sore and cold from lying on the tiles. "Are you okay?"

"Sure," I tell Nina who looks at me with worried eyes. "I must have fallen asleep here."

"Looks like it," she says and she surprises me when she sits down too, leaning against the wall in front of me. "Were you sick?"

"No, that just happened. Forgot to flush, sorry."

"Oh, no worries," she says, pulling the flush. "You're not the first one to do that. Liam forgets to flush every single time."

"I know. He's lazy."

"He sure is, isn't he? Not for you though," she says and I wonder if there is a hint of jealousy behind her tone but I can't detect it.

"Do you mind it?" I ask her because I don't want to homewreck or anything. 

I don't want to be their Susie in the relationship eventhough what happened with me and Liam is ancient history and so different, I can understand it must be hard to sort of adopt me too when you are in a relationship with Liam.

"What?" She questions, oblivious to what I mean.

"That he's not lazy for me. That we're the sort of friends we are."

"It's not something I mind," she says, eyeing me for a second to see if she can continue. "I knew what your relationship was with each other and what you mean to him and vice versa."

"Sure, but it is okay if you hate me now. I'm sure you didn't sign up for this when you got together with him. I don't need to be here, I could go to my niece or my uncle."

"Seriously, it is okay. More than so. I've grown to like you as well, Lex and I'm extremely sorry for bringing Susie in to your life. I've spoken to her and let's just say that I'm not happy with what she did, but I understand why she did it."

"It's not your fault. She was in my life anyway, otherwise I wouldn't have know of it. I'm not sure what's worse."

"It suck's either way of course. Just know that you are welcome to stay for as long as you wish. I'm used to living with other people and sharing my space."

It reminds me of her and Pascal, living with Harry. "What was it like living with Pascal and Harry?"

"Great actually. I had been drifting apart from Pascal for a while so I was glad when Harry came back to live with us. I really like Harry, but I also know how he can be to Liam and how things have been for you two, but I of course only learned of that afterwards. When we lived together we really got along great."

"Seems like a different time and space to think of the three of you. Honestly, I don't even get what you were doing with Pascal."

"Me neither, but I loved him hard and we had been together for a long, long time. It's hard to say goodbye to that, but easy when Liam came around."