London

44 - "You could have been my mother."

Harry

"Who's this?" 

Just her voice is enough to make me shiver. God, what do I find her despicable, and apparently I was the only one of us to save each others numbers. Which says enough about her.

"Harry."

"Oh, hi, Harry," she says, clearing her voice and changing her whole attitude, but she can't fool me. "What's up?"

"What's up?" I repeat, hoping that she can hear my anger. "Our dying mother is what's up."

"I know she's dying," she says. "Why are you calling about it? I usually get updates from her nurses."

"Is it that awful to hear from me?"

"No, but I haven't heard from you in years. I'm only surprised. What do you want to say?"

"Mother wants to see you. I figured I could invite you myself since I'm here."

"I've wanted to come for awhile now, but figured you guys didn't need me there."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you're there. Despite everything, you've always been her favorite," she says, and I'm not sure if it is my imagination or something else, but she almost sounds hurt over it. 

"For fuck's sake, Liz. She's dying, just come over here and get over yourself."

"I will, thank you for calling," she says, sounding calm still. She is a Styles after all. We're both trained in staying polite and calm. She even more than me. "How is she, really?"

There's something genuine in her voice that makes me answer truthfully. "She's having trouble talking. Eating is the bare minimum. Her body is giving up, but her mind isn't ready to let go. She really wants us to be together." 

"She wanted that, too, the first time she was sick," Liz says, and I know she's deliberately reminding me. She's right to do it. I might have given her my bone marrow, but my sister was the one who kept calling me every day and stood by my mother's side. Maybe we both need to get over ourselves. 

"I know.. I'm just glad you're able to come over."

"Of course I am, and I'm even glad to see my little brother again. I'll come this weekend, okay?"

"Yes, that would be okay," I tell her, and because I'm alone, there's no one to hide my smile from. Liz and I might have our differences, but I have always cared for her. When I was younger she was my best friend, and hearing her talk so mature gives me hope that maybe we can get along again.

"Oh, and Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"You're more than welcome to call me with updates."

****

Mother seems to have some last revival now that she knows that Liz is coming. Over the years mother and Liz grew apart. During her last fight against cancer, Liz was there for her while I and her ex-husband failed to do so. But the cancer changed her and her believes. Where before Liz and mother were on the same page, always backing each other up no matter the consequences, mother learned the hard way that sometimes happiness is more important than money. Although they always kept in touch, Liz didn't come over for Christmas and her visits have been limited to a minimum. I can't even remember the last time I saw her. 

I spent the week doing some repairs and paint jobs in Abby's house, happy to leave the house if only for a few hours a day. I'd go insane if it wasn't for Abby and Max's company. My sleep has gotten slightly better although my nightmares about Alex aren't completely gone. She hasn't texted me again and I know she's waiting for me to take a step, but something is holding me back. I just don't know what.