London

43 - "Do you want me gone?"

Alex

I haven't seen Sage for a couple of weeks now, and I'm nervous to speak to her now. While she was on holiday, I ended up in the hospital. It felt pointless to inform her or my uncle of what happened because it would only worry her and maybe even make her decide to break off the holiday and return. I didn't want that and I'm thankful that Liam didn't contact them while I was still unconscious. 

The only downside of that is that I have to tell her now when she probably thinks we're going to talk about the lovely, new memories they made on holiday in France. I don't want to lie to her, but I also don't want to give her every detail as it will make her feel guilty for not being there for me. 

"Just tell her that you and Harry broke up, tell her what he did to you and she'll understand. You don't have to tell her that you were hospitalised."

"But I can't keep it from her either," I tell Liam. "It would be like lying and what if she finds out? I don't want to be mysterious about it. It happened, big deal."

"It is a big deal to you, or you wouldn't be so spastic about it," Liam points out and it is true.

"Yeah, well, I'll see how it goes. I'll first let her talk about their holiday and pregancy and then she'll ask about Harry and how we're doing."

"And you can say you broke up, no big deal."

I look to Liam for a brief moment as he drinks his morning coffee, almost ready for a long shift at the hospital. 

"I texted him last night."

This gets his attention and his head snaps up, his brows furrowed. "Why?"

"Because I had a good session with Collins, and I couldn't sleep. He never responded to my letter and I started to get afraid that maybe his mother had died."

"What letter?"

"The one I put in one of the boxes. I wrote that I don't want his mother funds and hope they're alright. I know of course that they're not, but I had hoped that maybe he'd text himself. To thank me or something, but I never heard from him."

"He's right to keep his distance," Liam says. "And so should you."

"In case you're wondering, his mother is still alive, but it won't last long now. Harry is someone I care about, Liam. I'll always will, and I know what it is like to lose someone through illness. It is terrifying to watch."

His eyes turn a bit warmer and he shifts in his chair. "I of course don't wish his mother dead or something. I just wish.. well, you know what I think is best for you."

"I know Harry is not right for me, not at this moment. Doesn't mean I'm not interested in him or don't want to be there for him."

"What if she dies?"

"Depends on Harry. For all I know he has found someone new already," I say, but I can't help the little blush that creeps on my cheeks when I think of his text that I read many times. Saying he rather have the read deal next to him in bed, instead of the picture of us that I send him. It should leave me cold, I should think of Susie and how she shared the bed with him, but it didn't seem to matter last night. I fell asleep dreaming of Harry and I close, and Susie could have been watching for all I care. 

She's out of my dreams for good, and thank God out of my life as well as Nina ended her friendship with her. She might have started something important, but it almost feels irrelevant now. It doesn't for Liam, and if it wasn't for his constant reminders, I'd probably already forgiven Harry. Blinded by my love for him.