London

33 - "I tried to kill Harry?"

Alex

It's all a big, sick deja-vu as I hear one voice clearly while the others are muffled out. Only this time I don't hear Harry, but only Liam's side of the argument.

"She doesn't want to see you," he says. "No, she didn't wake up, but I can tell you now that she doesn't want to. Just go away, Harry. Fuck off."

The intensity of Liam's words to Harry makes me shiver. I don't think I have ever heard him so angry and protective over me.

"I don't give a shit about your explanations. Leave and don't come back until I say so. You understand?"

Everything turns silent again then and I start to sob when I realize that Harry left. Although I couldn't hear him, I felt him and I feel him leave as well.

"Shh," Liam's voice comes closer as I feel his hands on my arm to calm me, but his touch isn't helping so I jank away.

It is then that I open my eyes to realize I'm not at Liam's or at home in the safety of my own bed. My arms are chained to the bed, the straps painful as I try to get out of them.

"What is happening?" I ask, panic rising in such a quick way that it makes me dizzy.

"You are in the hospital," Liam answers. He is in his scrubs and I realize I'm probably at the hospital he works. There's no one else in the room.

"Why?"

"You had a meltdown in the pub and hurt yourself. Don't try to get loose, it won't work and only lengthen the process."

"Why am I tied up?" I ask Liam and I sound so young and vulnerable through my tears.

"Because every time you woke up, you started to harass whoever was in sight. Alex, it is best if you keep calm," he says and I then realize that I still hadn't quit trying to wriggle myself out of the bands around my arms and legs.

"I won't do anything. Just let me loose, Liam, I beg you."

"I can't," he answers. "You know I can't. I'm at work. I have been checking in on you every hour since you're here."

"How long has that been?"

"Two days." No wonder he looks so tired. "Are you really awake right now? Then I'll get a doctor. Otherwise just release your anger on me."

"What are you talking about? I am awake."

"You don't remember what happened?"

"I remember blacking out in the bathroom. Sorry," I then add realizing it was at his girlfriend's party. He shrugs his shoulders as if not to bother. "Was that two days ago?"

"Yes and every time you woke up something else seemed to trigger you to start scratching or something else."

"Oh," I mumble looking down to my body that is sore and there are signs that I tried to hurt myself. It is all superficial as if I was trying to hurt as much skin as possible in a short time spawn. I remember sliding down the wall in the bathroom and wanting to get out of my own skin. My hands are the worst I see when I lift up my fingers.

"He even had the nerve to turn up here," Liam says. "Harry. Although it took him a day. Fucking bastard."

The details of what Susie told me are mushy, but it all felt as if my biggest fear had come true. He didn't cheat on me, not that I know off, but it feels like he did by kissing me on the day he left Palas only to return back to London to get back to Susie. How he laid me down in his bedroom to show me his paintings on the ceiling and my own face that he needed to sleep. Something she knew of. She must have laid there as well, maybe even the night before.