London

32 - "Fuck, Lex, open your eyes."

Harry

The last time I saw Alex at the party was when she was talking to Liam. Where she is right now is a mystery to me, but I'm finally able to breathe in this too crowded pub. Probably because I'm standing outside where I find myself in the weird company of Logan and Sophie. 

Sophie looks just as beautiful as she did at Liam's New Years party, but Logan looks worse than I remember him. Back then he was full of bravour and even had the guts to invite me and Alex to join them in the bedroom. Right now he looks as if he's about to puke. 

"Drink too much?" I wonder as he lights up a cigarette making me wonder if Alex smoked already. I was too busy to really pay attention to her, also a bit done to keep her in check and observe if she's doing something she says she won't. Drinking or smoking. I don't mind if she does, only if she lies about it.

"No," he exhales the smoke. "Simply tired. And it was too hot."

"It's an old pub, they don't know how to air it properly," I tell them, simply to have something to say. 

"Want a smoke?"

"No, thanks."

"What brings you outside if you don't smoke?" Sophie asks as she accepts the fag from Logan. 

"Bit suffocating."

"Tell me about it," Logan says, his eyes going from Sophie to a space behind her. 

"So, Harry, how are you? Still tattooing, right?" Sophie asks and I nod. 

"Yes, still doing the same thing."

"I'm too chicken to get a tattoo," she says to keep the conversation going, but it is exactly this mindless mumbling that makes me feel weird. 

Everyone's life's just goes on and about while mine feels as if the rug has been pulled from under me. Being in the place where Bob, Alex's dad, used to spent most of his time only makes me think about my own mother and I don't know how she's handling her own faith. If she's just as calm and strong about it as Bob was. Those days we spent with him in the hospital were some of the hardest I ever had to endure and I know it nearly destroyed Alex. She bounced back quick, but she hasn't been the same since and I'm afraid for myself.

"It is painful," I tell her, which is probably the wrong thing to say. "I'm heading back in. See you."

They mumble their goodbye's and I step inside again. The place filled with people Nina knows and other customers of the pub making it extra busy. I scan the place to see where Alex is, my eyes finding hers in an instant. In a corner I find her talking to Susie, the familiar panic trapped in her eyes, ready to burst as she touches her arm briefly and exits the room. At first I don't notice where she's going, my mind too groggy to form a right thought. My fear of what just happened can't be the truth. 

Pushing my way through the crowd everything seems to move in slow motion. My body aching from the alcohol and my mind racing at the possibilities of what is happening to Alex.

Finally I reach Susie after what feels like an eternity. "What happened?"

"I told her the truth," she says, her eyes stern and she jerks away from my hand that tries to cling on the her, shake her stupid body. "I realized that you love her, Harry. And if you really care about her you are honest. Because being lied to by you is the most painful thing there is, but she doesn't deserve to be played like you played me. I did you a favor."

"A favor?" I mumble, feeling my blood drain from my face and my hands starts to shake. 

"Yes, now you both can move on or you really belong to each other and stick through it. I hope she's okay, she went to the bathroom."