London

65 - "Palas is no longer my escape, no."

Harry

Before we came back to Palas I had thought that the most awkward part would be bumping in to Zayn. A living and breathing creature reminding us both of our previous break up, but seeing him wasn't as bad as I had thought. He looked at Alex the wrong way, but I was able to let it slide. Mainly because for the past days Alex only had eyes for me, and looked rather unbothered by the presences of Zayn. He was nice enough though and seemed to be doing okay. I never really bothered for the guy, but I'm glad he's happy.

So seeing Zayn wasn't that awkward, the most uncomfortable situation was when we saw Ava, Louis and their already one-year old baby that we never even send a congratulations card for. Alex and I both cringed hard when we saw them strolling down the boulevard and we saw no escape. All we could do was say hello. Louis was friendly and kept the conversation going, but Ava looked as if she was planning to kill us both. 

I always kept in touch with her so I get why she was also bitchy towards me since I haven't exactly reached out to her, but I know that she treated Alex like dirt. Judging her mistakes, mistakes she made herself as well, so it feels like she has no reason to treat Alex the way she did. Neither me nor Alex did much trouble to be nice to Ava now, making it damn awkward to talk to Louis. I feel for the guy. I mean, Alex is hard work as well but she is worth it, Ava on the other hand- I don't see the appeal. 

But at least we survived it and kept other encounters with ghosts from the past to a minimum. Making the entire week blissful and almost like our honeymoon, but we're not even married yet. We did decide on a venue, food and hotel and most importantly who will run the service. It took us an entire day to find them, but we finally did when we went back to the hotel where we met Maria. The lovely lady once gave me the nudge in the right direction to believe in Alex after a night of drinking her questionable booze, and her husband gave us the most perfect trip after on his boat. Polly. 

It dawned on me that there was a possibility of marrying on the boat which must mean that he's an official wedding officiant and it turned out that he is. He's willing to marry us in Palas and Maria will do the catering. 

The entire week was like a trip down memory lane and we did enough stuff to make it easy for Alex to ignore one big memory. That being the ashes of her father that we scattered at the cliff. Before we came here she was clear that she booked this week for one particular reason. Besides the booking prices being low, she also wanted to be in Palas for her father's anniversary of his death. But she's not talking about him like she used to, and whenever I brought up going to the cliff she'd ignore me. As always she's testing my limits in not upsetting her, but with only one full day left, I know I have to bring it up even if it will mean that we'll fight.

We're walking to the beach for a last day of sunbathing and I feel the clock ticking. Alex looks unbothered and happy, her skin glowing and tanned. I love seeing her like this, it's the version of her that I fell in love with. But I'm so glad that I also got to know all these other versions of her that made me stay in love with her. For a moment I wonder what it is like for her. I remember so well how I treated her those first days. 

I was a cocky, arrogant boy back then who loved taking the piss out of her. The more she teased me back, the further I felt I could go. It makes me laugh to look back on it. How she asked me on her first day to not fuck Rosie, and I realized immediately that she felt something similar for me. Something that neither of us acknowledge or could explain, but it was there from the start. Luckily we grew as people and although we lost each other numerous times along the way, it feels as if we're together for good now. I sometimes still feel like the cocky, arrogant boy I was, but I know that I can behave however I want around her as long as I don't hurt her. So I try not to hurt her now.