London

21 - "Why are you always so sleepy?"

Alex

"Look." I give Harry my phone to show him Sage's ultrasound.

"What's that?" He asks as he stares to the photo she just send me.

He looks rather horrified as he hands me my phone back at the exact moment another message comes in. Judging by the way he shifts his body, he has seen who the messenger was and maybe even had time to read the message itself. I'm settled against his thigh while I'm lying on the couch and he's watching the news. I hold it above my head and keep watching it.

"Sage's stomach," I tell him.

"Oh."

"Weird, right. She's growing a human being inside of her."

"That's nature," he deadpans and I roll my eyes. Harry makes it impossible to hold a conversation about her pregnancy.

"Weird, but beautiful. A new life." He hums clearly uninterested. "Well, I think it's nice. They both looked happy at your birthday."

"I was happy too, but for different reasons," he says referring to his birthday present I gave him in the end.

"Aren't you happy for them?" I ask ignoring him.

"Of course I am." When I look up to his face he's frowning. "Do you think I'm not happy for them?"

"Well, you don't want one for yourself and you don't really seem to be interested in it," I say.

"I am, but don't expect me crying every time you show me an ultrasound."

The childish part of me had hoped he'd say that he does want a baby some day, but he doesn't. Knowing it is best to keep quiet I drop my phone to my stomach and can't help but place my hands there too. As I fold them over my belly I can't help but think what it would be like to be pregnant. How it would feel.

Sage has been handling her pregnancy in a pretty relax way considering it is her first one. But she does tell me that she lives from ultrasound to ultrasound scared they won't find a heartbeat or telling her some other bad news. Besides that she doesn't have many discomfort and truly enjoys being pregnant.

I'm taken out of my daydream when Harry pushes my hands from my stomach. Sometimes I wish he didn't know me so well. I look up to him and hope I look upset as I turn around and lie on my side away from the television.

"Why did Thomas text you that?" He then asks and I know he's dying to know the answer.

"Because I'm ignoring him."

"So he immediately thinks there's something wrong?" He wonders and it means that he read it because that's what Thomas asked me: what's wrong?

"Well, yes, I haven't texted back since the new year. He might think I'm dead."

I wish I could see his face right now. He probably looks smug, but he has no right too. I'm not ignoring Thomas because of him. I just don't want to know why he was in Palas. If maybe he changed his mind about us which would be too much to handle in my already fragile stage. I know that I can't keep ignoring him forever, well I could but I don't want too. So there's no point in looking smug. I'll text him back eventually.

"Let him think that," he says and he sounds smug so now I'm sure.

"Will you let Susie know that you're death as well?"

"You would love that, wouldn't you?" He says, sounding as if he's joking but I know he holds a truth to it.

"Don't make me sound like the immature one when I actually hold a conversation with her on your fucking birthday that you invited her too without even considering me. While you sound like a toddler when discussing Thomas."