London

14 - "I don't even get why he texts you."

Alex

After the fireworks are done, which we all watch cramped on the balcony, I find a moment to talk to Liam. As we're discussing if New Years in the cold or in the mild heat is better with two other friends of Nina, I spot Harry in the room. He stands almost in the hallway where all our coats are that none of us are wearing since it is so hot in the livingroom and therefor bearable on the balcony.

I hadn't even noticed that he'd left my side as I was too preoccupied by watching the firework that we already missed half of because we had been so engaged in each other. Liam seems to follow my eyes and steps a bit closer to me, forgetting about the two other people who turn away from us.

"Who is that?" He whispers in my ear, but I'm at a lost for words.

When Logan comes to join us, I'm ready to grab his beer from his hand and throw it at the girl Harry is speaking to. So when Harry leans in for a hug with her, I'm stunned and grab his glass, but Liam is quick enough to stop me.

"Ho, ho," he says and for a reason unknown I find it hilarious that he sounds like Santa-Claus.

"What?" I ask, hoping to sound innocent. "I just want a beer."

"That can be arranged," Logan says, "no need to grab mine."

"Sorry," I laugh, feeling blood rise to my cheeks at how ridiculous I'm being. "I'll go grab one."

Without saying another thing, I leave them alone and walk to the kitchen. Harry doesn't see me as he is hanging on every word she's saying. Maybe they aren't bothered with my reaction, but judging from the way they look like they're hiding in the corner makes me believe otherwise. Once in the kitchen I try to reason with myself.

The girl Harry was talking to is the same girl I met in the tattoo shop. Judging from what she said makes me believe she was the last girl he was with before he came back to Palas. Susie is the girl he left behind for me. They broke up. They broke up because of me, I repeat over and over. The fact that she seems upset now doesn't mean a thing. After I've found some of my calmness back, Liam enters the kitchen.

"Are you going to tell me who that girl is?" He wonders, relieve clear in his voice that he hasn't found in me a fetus position crying on the ground.

"Susie, his ex. Or wait, he claims he never got a girlfriend so I don't know what she was. But I met her, you know at that party, and she said that I was the Alex he left her for, so."

"I see," Liam says. "And you haven't downed the tequila yet?"

"Hadn't noticed it was there," I tell him and it is the truth. The bottle in front me was already there when I came in and even now when I see it, I'm not interested in it. I feel like puking already and alcohol isn't going to work in my benefit.

"Look, I know he sometimes had girlfriends," Liam then says and I turn to look at him. "He didn't call them girlfriends because it wasn't like it was with you, but I think for those girls it was exaclty that. In that case, if he left her to go back to Palas for you, I understand that she's a bit shaken up."

"Is she crying then?"

"I'm not sure. Either way, don't let it get to you. I'm sure Harry will explain and he's in love with you. Not her, okay?"

I look to Liam for a brief moment and think about his words. I'm sure that she's shaken up by seeing Harry, but in the tattoo shop she seemed totally fine with it. She was shocked to meet me, but recovered and talked with him. Even answered my question if she'd met his family. All of the sudden the urge to down a drink on her is back as I can now imagine her talking to Ellie as something real. It actually happened and what am I, some sloppy replacement of her?