Musha And I (and them)

Crying

Wow.

I hate crying in front of people. I hate crying period. It makes me feel weak and I hate it. I don't want pity nor do I want looks of worry. I hate making people worry about me.

I love making people smile and making everyone happy even if I feel like dying. I wear masks so that no one has to cry for me but.....

On Friday, my mask finally slipped. I broke down and cried......

In the morning, on the bus to school, I cried my eyes out. In the morning, during breakfast time at school, I cried twice in front of my friends (even though only two of them noticed and the rest either ignored me or weren't paying attention, which made it even worse).

In the morning when the second friend asked me if I was okay (because my eyes were red and I was shaking and other things) I couldn't even lie and say I was okay without crying.

For periods 1-3 I couldn't even speak without feeling like I was going to cry again.

Once I got to class and after that, no one asked me why I cried or what had happened and that also made my mood worse (no I wasn't looking for attention/them not asking just gave the voices more fire is all)

Throughout the whole day I was just so lost and scared. During fourth period though I managed to put my mask back on and it stayed on.

I felt so weak and stupid. I finally cracked and it just had to be in front of them....

I don't want to get into why I had a mental breakdown but just know that I didn't hurt myself or anything (I fought back against them and I won).

I'm doing alright now but that may change, who knows....

I don't know why I decide to tell you guys this, but I did.

Anyway, talk to you guys later.................