I hate everyone, especially Richie Tozier. I hate the way he makes me feel, the way butterflies appear in my stomach when he is around, the way fireworks would erupt when we used to kiss, and the way i still love him. He did horrible things to me and I still love him more than anything else in this world. I still walk around school and wish he was by my side kissing my cheek and cuddling with me. Richie if you're reading this, You're the pain I feel everyday, you're the thing I most love, the only thing that made me happy. Now that you left me, I feel so much pain and I'm not happy, I'll never ever be happy. I wish I could go back and make you stay but you would still break up with me and go do some stupid shit somewhere else. I'll always just be your ex-boyfriend and I'll always love you. You're the reason I get out of bed every morning, but you're also the reason I won't be anymore. You're the reason I'll be leaving this world, I'll be going to a place people told me I would be happy, and live forever, a place where all your dreams come true and a place where no one judges you and where everyone lives in perfect peace. I don't care how long it takes, but I'll wait for you, I'll wait for you to come to heaven so I could tell you I love you, and hopefully you'll love me too, and we will live together forever, with no problems and we will live happily. But, only places like that exist in fairy tales and dreams, but I choose to believe it's real, and I know that I can't live in this nightmare anymore and see you everyday and try to push away these feelings I have. I hope my dreams come true in heaven, and I hope I get to see you too. I love you Richie Tozier, but I hate the way you make me feel.
I slammed the notebook closed and felt hot tears stream down my cheeks. I wish I didn't break up with Eddie, he would've never killed himself. Eddie is right though, he will see me in heaven, and he will see me soon. I grabbed the gun I kept in my room, from the time pennywise attacked us when we were just 13 years old. I pointed it to my head, thinking about Eddie, and wanting to be with him as soon as I could. I pointed the gun away and wrote on a piece of paper
I'm sorry, but I need to be with Eddie ~r.t
I brought the gun back up to my head and said "see you soon Eddie" I pulled the trigger, and everything turned black.
Sorry that this was a little depressing or maybe sad. Next one will be a happy one!
-Miri
