reddie oneshots ; lovely

twenty six ; 2

Richie pov (⚠️-trigger warning, self harm, homophobic slurs, suicide attempt, im sorry *there is only one homophobic slur*)

I had woken up, looking around. I was in the motel i slept in last night. The migraine hit me like a truck causing me to wince. I got up, my legs were shaking as i made my way to the old mirror. I looked at myself, just looking at how ugly i was, the messed up frizzy hair, the thick glasses, and the most ugly, the scars on my wrist and waist. I thought i was worthless, i meant nothing. Why do you think eddie left me without helping? I was a worthless piece of trash, a waste of space, a good for nothing fag. I went to my nightstand and took my wallet. I opened it up, and took the spare blade i had in the pocket. There was still blood stains from the last time. There was a dumb smile on my face as i thought "im getting what i deserve." My heart beat faster and faster every step i took. I put the blade down, stripping myself of my clothes and throwing them to the side. I picked up the blade and stepped into the cold tub. I sat down, and filled it with water. As the water ran, i thought about eddie. His beautiful wavy hair, the way he softly hums when i massage his head, and his adorable cheeks. It was enough to stop me, but i also thought about how none of that will ever be mine, which drove me to stop the water, and press the blade to my left arm. A sob escaped my lips as the blade dug deeper into my skin, causing me to cry, and wince in pain. I repeated the word "worthless" over and over as i cut deeper each line i cut. I let go of the blade as i cut the last one. I let my arm bleed out in the tub, the water turning pink. The cuts started to sting, as the blood turned darker. It was getting to the point where words couldnt come out right. I said "eddie, i fucking love you." I let myself sink under the bloody water, and i held my breath. I counted in my head "one, two, three." I stopped when i heard a door slam open. An arm pulled me up and the only person i thought it would be was bev. Well, i was wrong. I opened my eyes, my breathing becoming more normal but the blood still flowing out of my arm. I went to reach for the towel but there stood eddie kaspbrak, tears trickling down his beautiful cheeks ad he looked at my arm, and the tub. I started to cry even more, as he ran to my side with the towel and placed it to my arm, repeating "its going to be okay richie." "please hold on for me." I let him do it. I watched as he got the medical wrap and the rubbing alcohol and placed it on my skin. I winced but he calmly shushed me, using his other arm to rub my upper back soothingly. I sobbed as he wrapped up my arm, and said "richie, baby, why would you do this to yourself?" My heart hurt just as much ad the cuts did, maybe even more. I got up with his help, and wrapped a warm towel around me. We sat on the bed, still crying, as he asked "richie, tell me why you did this again?" I sobbed and he took both my hands as i answered. I said "eddie, it was because of...you." His tears became more frequent as he asked "why me?" I said "because you had alex. I love you eddie, i love you so fucking much but you had him to love. You will never love me, and i just wanted all of my sadness to end for good." He pulled me into a hug, and he said "why didnt you tell me?" I said "because eds, im worthless, no one cares about me." He was saying "i d-" but i cut him off and said "if you cared, why did you leave me all bloody and drunk yesterday? You left me alone! I was really hoping you would help me, but you just left." He said "no richie! Of course i care! It was fucking alex!" I tilted my head slightly and said "what do you mean?" He sobbed and said "i wanted to help you, but he pulled me away and into his car. He was jealous and wanted me away from you. He thought i was going to leave him for you. Richie, i broke up with him." A light smile appeared onto my face. I said "how did you find me?" He looked at the door and back. He said "i called bev, to help me with the pain, but she told me you were here and i just had to see you, to tell you i...i love you richie." We both leaned in for a kiss, our lips pressing causing fireworks to erupt in my stomach. It felt like someone was tickling the insides of my stomach. We both pulled away, a blush covering both our faces. I said "i love you too eddie." It was like right then and there, the world had meaning again. We both plopped down on the bed, our fingers intertwining. Our legs mirrored the action as we both smiled like goofs, staring into each others eyes. I saw something, i saw a future. I saw a happy, loving future with him, and thats all i ever wanted.

Thank you so much for all the reads and comments everyone! I love you all! I hoped you liked this one! Also im so sorry for this being so depressing! Hope you have an awesome night, or day depending on where you live. Also! AUTHORS NOTE! I wont be updating on FRIDAY, SATURDAY, OR SUNDAY!  I will be camping and i will have no internet or wifi. I promise i will post monday! Stay safe everyone!
-miri