where's my mind / poetry, oneshots etc.

pet shop / first draft

oH AND IF YOU THAT THAT ICBU CHAPTER WAS CRINGY YOU ARE SO IN FOR MUCH WORSE AAA I HATE MY PAST SELF WHO W A S HE

look at this fuckin piece of garbage:

"alex, stop it!" john shouted angrily, spinning around suddenly.
alex stumbled backwards, his trembling hands hovering in front of his face. "i'm sorry- i just-"
"i don't want to hear it," john snapped, glaring at the shaking boy.
"please-"
"no, alexander! i'm not your friend! stop saying i am!"
alex flinched, not wanting john to get even more mad. he didn't want the bruises he vaguely remembered from his coma. "please, john- i- i'm sorry, i just- please, let me... let me explain. please."
john rolled his eyes, folding his arms. "/i know/, alex. you were in a coma and you thought we were friends."
"no- i- this was just a sad invention. it wasn't real, i know... but we were happy..." he wiped his tears. "/i/ was happy. i guess i couldn't let that go. i guess i couldn't give that up... i guess i wanted to believe -'cause if i just believe- then i don't have to see what's really there... this /mess/ i am."
he looked up at john's expression and quickly back down to the ground again. "i'm sorry, i-i should go-"
"no- alex- wait. i'm sorry for being so angry."
"sometimes, you see everything you wanted... and sometimes, you see everything you wish you had, and it's right there... right there, in front of you. and you want to believe it's true so you... make it true. but, i shouldn't have, john. it was just a sad invention."
john wanted to walk away. he didn't know how to deal with crying people. he had blocked emotion from a young age.
so he held alex awkwardly, waiting for his tears to stop.
and his own.
"and... and i know we were never friends and i know you don't want to be. and i should respect that. i just thought that -maybe- it could be real. but you're not that john. you never that john. it was my idea of what you would be like."
"i'm sorry i'm not that john." he whispered.

LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHY DID I USE SO MANG DEH LYRICS??!!!! JEM!!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU HOE!!!!!

my first idea for the ending of pet shop would be that the whole john/alex thing was just what al was dreaming about in his coma when peter beat the shit out of him

how fuckin lame

and disappointing

probably be better if i ended it with and it was all a dream

smh

stay safe
-jem ✨