where's my mind / poetry, oneshots etc.

breathe pt. 3

connor's suicide note to evan when he tried to kill himself again and succeeded near the end of the book

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dear evan hansen,

thank you.

you were the one good thing in my life. i would call you an angel, but we both know you aren't perfect. we all have our flaws.

i'm sorry, evan, i truly am. i loved you. i promise i did. but i don't belong in this world. i never did.

no one except you cared. maybe that's why we loved each other. we heard each other. we were both so lonely. so lost. we both wanted to be loved.

was this love, or did we want to be wanted so badly we made this all up? we loved only the normal things about each other? i loved your hair; your eyes; how freckles dotted your nose in the sunlight.

but i couldn't love all of you. i'm sorry, evan. i couldn't love your panic attacks. i know you didn't love all of me, either. it's ok.

i'm going to miss us. i'm going to miss your blush and that dorky smile.

like i said before, i'm sorry, but i don't belong here. never have. maybe you're all better off without me.

thank you, evan hansen. maybe we'll meet again in another life when things aren't as crazy and maybe we'll be right for each other.

but let's face it. we never were.

sincerely, me.