where's my mind / poetry, oneshots etc.

breathe pt. 5

THIS WAS MY FAVOURITE CHAPTER TO WRITE

"thanks for dropping us off, jare," alana waved goodbye to her friend as she took zoe's hand and led her up the driveway and into her house.

"tea?" she asked, once in the kitchen, not even waiting for a reply.

zoe laughed and slid in alana's chair –the one with the friendship bracelet still wrapped around its ear. "you know me too well, babe."

"oh, zoe!" came a cheery voice, and in swept kathleen, alana's mum, in all her colourful patterned glory. "it's so nice to see you again."

"you too, ms. beck," zoe smiled politely.

"ms. beck?" she scoffed, "who's she?"

zoe giggled. "sorry, mama beck."

"is zoe here?" gasped a garbled voice and three mini-alanas came tumbling into the kitchen too.

"issy! ellie! leo!" zoe giggled and picked up leo, swinging him round. "how are you guys?"

"we haven't seen you for three billion years!" ellie huffed, putting her hands on her hips, trying to look intimidating (or as intimidating you can look as a five year old).

"sorry, kitten," zoe ruffled the younger girl's hair, "i've been busy."

"well, that's no excuse," issy scolded and stuck her tongue out.

"how's connor, pumpkin?" kathleen asked, prying leo from zoe's tights.

alana almost choked and zoe scoffed. "yeah, um, he's awake. has a tad of amnesia or whatever, but he's... good."

"that's great news!" kathleen beamed.

"yeah..."

"so, what brings you here?"

zoe met alana's gaze and she nodded, giving a small smile.

"yeah, um, i was, um... i was thinking about coming out to my parents." zoe scratched the back of her neck.

"coming out of where, mama?" issy hissed, tugging on her mother's bright leggings.

"the closet, dear," kathleen replied absentmindedly, before turning to zoe. "that's wonderful news, sweetheart, but knowing your parents, don't you think it's a little..."

"dangerous." alana agreed, wrapping an arm round zoe's waist.

"i know, but... maybe it'll help them see more sense," she sighed, staring at the floor.

"i doubt that, honey."

"why does zoe need to come out of a closet?" ellie whispered.

"it's metaphorical, el," alana replied, "zoe wants to tell her mummy and daddy that she's gay."

"what's gay?"

"so, you know how... how much phillip loves anne?" alana bent down to her younger siblings' height. "it's like that, but with two girls or two boys."

"like rose and pearl!" issy exclaimed.

"yes! like that. clever girl."

kathleen took her practically-daughter's hand. "pumpkin, i know this is something you want to do, but it's quite dangerous for you-"

"i know, mama, but-"

"but if things go wrong, my door's always open, mm'kay? you can always live with us until things die down."

"i can't do that!"

"yes, you can. for your own safety." kathleen insisted. "pumpkin, you're practically my daughter. i'll love you and protect you forever."

zoe wiped tears from her eyes. "thank you, ma. i-i really appreciate it."

alana set two cups of tea on the table ("you didn't make your poor mama one?" "you didn't say you wanted one!") and they watched the three children giggle and play tag.

zoe remembered when she and connor were like that. when they used to have not a care in the world. when life was gentle on them.

before connor turned to drugs. before he started showing more and more symptoms. before they started fighting and screaming at each other.

she'd give anything to go back to that right now.

they watched as kathleen roared playfully and chased the kids too.

this is what a normal family is like, she thought bitterly. no fear. just love and joy.

she realised how much she'd missed out on.