Ansel Elgort Imagines

Alive

For Ellie (arrows24) xx

A little sad, a bit triggering (maybe), but that's life.

You're best friends with Ansel...

One day, it all becomes too much. Before you even know what's happening, you've taken too many pills. While you meant to do it, you still feel a pang of something...regret? No. You don't regret it.
You feel your body collapse onto the floor. It feels like it's not happening to you. You feel like you're out of your body watching yourself lose consciousness.
Flashes of memories run through your mind, but nothing is clear. You feel one thing clearly, though. You feel regret for not telling Ansel how you truly feel. That's the only thing that stays in your mind even as your eyes close and heart slows. You think of his face. You think of the way he smiles and the way your heart speeds up when his hand brushes yours. You think of the way his laugh would always warm your heart. You think of how he was always there for you. You know he would have been here for you if you asked him to. He would have dropped everything for you, and you know it. That's when you feel the crushing weight of regret. You want to live. You want to see his face again. You want to be with him.
Only now, it's too late; you fade away.

———

Ansel's P.O.V.

When I heard the news, I thought my world had come crashing down around me. Honestly, it basically did. She was my entire world, and to hear that she overdosed absolutely crushed my heart. I dropped everything—literally. I broke my mom's mug, but I couldn't even take the time to clean it up because I had to get to the hospital.
I drove there as fast as I could; it still took too long. Every moment away from her was agony. I needed to see her. I needed to know that she was okay.
I parked precariously across lines, but I couldn't be bothered to fix it. Everything else seemed so unimportant when the most important person in your life was in the hospital. With something as important as her on the line, nothing else mattered.

———

I run into the building and ask the receptionist breathlessly, "Where's Ellie?"
"Ellie?"
"The girl that was brought in from an overdose," I say quickly, not even able to form a coherent sentence from my throat closing on itself.
"Oh! She's in the psych ward. Are you family?" she asks, but before she can say more, I run to the stairs, going up the steps two at a time. I reach the third floor—where the psych ward is—and my heart beats rapidly in my chest. I feel breathless and frantic. I don't even realize that the entire fact that she's in the psych ward implies that she's alive and probably in decent shape.
I go up to a nurse, most likely looking like an absolutely madman. "Where's Ellie?" I demand, and she blinks before registering my question.
"She's down the hall in room 304."
"Thank you," I say, speed-walking to the room. My heart pounds loudly; I stand in front of the door, almost scared to open it.
I can see inside through the small window in the door. I can see the foot of a bed but nothing more.
I knock on the door, and I hear a voice: "Come in."
I push open the door and look to the person lying in the bed. Her eyes are closed, but I can see her breathing. A nurse is by her side, tending to her IV.
"How is she?" I ask slowly.
"She'll live. She's still unconscious, but she'll be okay. Just give her a few days," she replies, smiling a bit. "You her boyfriend?"
"I wish," I respond without even thinking.
The nurse smiles understandingly and steps aside so I can sit in the chair beside her bed. I look at her beautiful face. She looks at peace. It's almost as if she's sleeping.
"She'll be okay," the nurse says again. "Don't worry."

———

For the next couple of days, I keep returning to her. I can't stay the night, but I wish I could. I need to be with her when she wakes up. I owe her that much.
One day, I'm walking down the hall toward her room when the same nurse from the other day comes out from a different room.
"Ansel," she says, a smile on her face. "Ellie's awake."
"She's already awake?" I question, feeling my heart lift but also a pang of guilt for not being there.
"She woke up early in the morning—you couldn't have been here," she assures me, but I still feel guilty. "It's fine. Just go to her," she says; I don't have to be told twice.
I go up to her door and knock.
"Come in." It's her voice.
I open the door and look to her on the bed. She smiles slightly when she sees me.
I feel relief flood through my body. She's really alive. She's okay.
"Ellie," I breathe, going to her side and sitting down in the chair beside her bed. I take her hand in mine; her skin is slightly cool, but I don't care. She's alive.
"Ansel," she whispers, smiling a bit.
"I'm glad you're alive," I say, and she looks down, her cheeks turning slightly pink.
"Me, too. I'm sorry," she says, and I shake my head.
"Don't apologize. I'm just glad you're alive."

You both are.

———

Your P.O.V.

The day you get out, he's right there by your side. When you get home, he's there with you. And when you sit down on your bed for the first time in months, he sits down beside you.
Something about this experience has made the two of you grow much closer. You're grateful to be alive, and so is he.
He looks to you and reaches in his pocket. You watch him curiously as he pulls out a ring. You'd noticed the silver band on his index finger that he'd been wearing since about a week ago. You hadn't really thought much of it until now.
"This is, as corny as it may be, a promise ring." He takes your hand before slipping it on your finger.
You smile, looking at the shining metal. It's simple yet beautiful.
"I don't want to go forward another day without telling you exactly how I feel about you." He looks into your eyes, his brown eyes shining in the light. "I love you. I want to be with you. I was scared that our friendship would be ruined, but honestly, I love you too much. I need to be with you. I can't handle not being with you, as cheesy as that sounds," he admits, laughing slightly. "Will you go out with me?"
"Ansel," you say, your heart pounding in your chest.
"Wait. One more thing—when I heard you'd...been put in the hospital, I felt like I was drowning. It made me rethink life. If there's only one life to live, I just want to spend it with you."
You feel yourself smile, your heart warming at his words.
"Ansel, I love you, too." You can't even form a coherent thought after his speech. You're at a loss for words.
"Will you go out with me?"
"Yes. Absolutely."
You smile, and he leans in before pausing.
"Can I kiss you?"
"Of course," you say, laughing slightly. Your lips meet, and it's the best thing you've ever experienced. You've never felt this happy in your entire life. You're grateful to be alive, and you're grateful for him.

A/N
I hope you loved it xx