knock on | nct mark lee

42

y/n pov

it's tomorrow.

their first concert is tomorrow. i'm so proud of them i wanna cry and hug them but i can't.

i walk over to sit next to my dad. i always do this,just talk to him even though he probably can't hear or comprehend anything anymore.

"appa,how are you?" i held his hand. he's becoming weaker now. i really miss mark,he was always there to comfort me.

"ever since mark broke up with me i haven't stopped crying. it's been a month and a half now."

i can only hear the sound of the machines. 

"i miss him dad." i started to feel tears forming in my eyes.

"but i also really miss you." i held his hand tighter.

"i only have two men that i hold really dear to my heart and i just lost one of them,i don't want to lose you yet,dad." 

there is nothing more i want right now than to have my dad hug me like he used to.

"i tried really hard,dad. i don't know why i wasn't enough." i cried harder.

"i wish you met him though,he's a great guy."

"mianhe,i'm crying so much infront of you."

i stood up and kissed his forehead then sat back down again.

"is it hard dad?"

i hope i can hear you speak again.

"are you in pain?" he looks really weak now,i've been preparing myself for the worst but it seems like i'm far from prepared when that day comes.

"it's okay dad,me and mom are okay. you don't have to fight if you can't anymore." i said tearfully.

"we love you so so much." 

i held his hand tighter.

"thank you for waiting for me to get here dad,for letting me take care of you."

i noticed a tear escape from his eye.

"dad?"

his heart rate started to drop. i felt weak in my knees. not right now dad.

please.

i quickly called the nurses from outside then they came rushing in to check on him. one of the nurses ran to find his doctor.

i stepped on the side crying,feeling helpless.

i dialed my mom's number.

"eomma,please come quick. please please we don't have much time."

i knew it my heart that this was it,but i didn't want to accept it. all those months of preparation was nothing.

the doctors were trying everything but after a few moments he flatlined just as my mom came in through the door.

i couldn't cry anymore.

i feel weak.

i feel like my whole heart was ripped out of my chest.