çoxşaxəli

why?

the cafe I'm in isn't big, it isn't small either. Everything is decorated in a crafty manner. The seating arrangement, the foods, beverages, and other services are neatly placed.

this cafe is located in the middle of a busy street so it always remains crowded. But the inner environment of the café is calm, quiet and spacious. just the way I like it. It appears that the noise from outside is unable to enter inside the café.

The warm air welcomes me with a coffee smell, mixing the smell of chocolate and freshly baked cakes. The smell is so sweet that I seemed to be having a honey bath.

There are vintage photographs placed around the wall of the shop, allowing coffee tasters to admire the photo-taking techniques, and reminiscing about their past. It's like as if I walk into a mini art museum full of memories.

a place where one can relax their mind and leave their problems behind.

a place where even a sad person could feel peace for once.

taking a sip of the hot cup of coffee that was served in front of me. the taste of the bitterness remains on my taste bud even after a few minutes. the bitterness from the coffee represents how I feel right now.

reminiscing about the old days where we used to come here often just to run away from a crowd even from our loud best friends.

we both know that we aren't the type to be in a place where people can be loud, playful and immature. instead, we would be in this cafe where I'm sitting right now and just talk to one another without anyone interrupting us.

I miss 'us' but I know there's no such thing as us anymore. there's only you and me. nothing less. nothing more.

I miss you even after a few years of not seeing each other. I hate that I still love you even after you broke my heart. I hate that my heart only beats for you. I hate that I would blush whenever your name came out from other's mouth.

I hate that I'm still waiting for you. for you to come back and tell me that you love me. I hate that I keep telling myself that you miss me too.

as my thoughts are taking over my brain, I didn't notice the light taps on my shoulder. there I saw you standing behind me with a smile on your face.

I want to hug you so badly like how we used to in the past but like they said past is just a memory not minding if its a good or a bad one.

they said we should let go of our past and move on with the future, but……

why can't I follow what they said?

why do I still think about you whenever I did something? everything I do or see reminds me of you.

I want to hug you so badly and say that I miss you so badly. I want to tell you that my heart still belongs to you.

but I can't?

you know why?

it's because you find yourself another girlfriend just before I'm about to steal your heart again.

I'm too late.

the chances and hopes are now gone. the girl you're dating right now is much prettier, cuter, gentle and way more perfect than I can ever be. I hate that she's better than me.

tears are now forming in my eyes when I saw how your hand interlock with your girlfriend. I try to hold back my tears as I wouldn't want you to ask why am I acting this way. "it's been a while, yujin." that's what you said to me when all of my attention is on you.