çoxşaxəli

Lean On Me

"minmin~ let's hang out at our usual hang out after school ends," I said excitingly knowing how long has it been for us to hang out together like we used to. a part of me hopes that you will eventually say yes and not back out like you always do.

"sorry, chaewonie..... me and Yujin are going on a date later on. I'm really really sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you next time."

that's what you always said.

that's what you always promised me whenever I invite you on a day like this.

why do you always make promises that you know you'll break it?

I should've known that you don't need me anymore.

I should've known that I'm just a second option.

I should've known that I can never compete with your girlfriend that you love so much.

I can never be the one that you love.

I can never be the one whom you need.

I can never be the one whom you'll risk your life.

you don't even hesitate to turn back on me and walk to where your girlfriend is.

you don't even look sorry.

instead, you look oddly happy and hype hoping towards your girlfriend as if my existence is no longer in your life.

it's like as if I'm someone whom you've met but never even bother to talk and care to be friends with.

the sight of your back that you are showing with no shame to me makes my eyes sweat. it makes my heart shattered into billions of pieces.

do you know how hard it is to glue them back to how it suppose to be?

do you know how much pain I have to suffer because of you?

do you know that my heart hurts every time you choose someone else?

do you even know how I feel towards you?

aren't you curious about that?

aren't you curious about the one I love?

oh right, you wouldn't care about that, you only care about your girlfriend.

how could you just abandon me like that?

I've been there way much longer than she did.

I keep telling myself that it's okay. and we will just go back to where we used to be. when we used to hang out with each other almost every day and stick to each other as if nothing can separate us.

even though I've been patient towards you, I'm scared that if this continues like how we treat each other right now, ignoring each other's presence. It feels as if you walk farther away day by day from me.

I'm scared that you will leave me for her.

can you please, just please, listen to my words for you?

listen to what I want to say to you. though it'll break our friendship, I just want you to know what I've been keeping inside that keeps on bothering me these past few years.

please don't go.

please don't walk away from me.

we are already far away from each other. you can't make me feel more miserable than it is. you can't make me feel lonely. you can't make me feel empty. I beg you to not disappear away from my sight.

I want to protect you.

I want to keep you safe.

in the same week, my phone which was lying on top of the table starts to vibrate with a song starting to ring with it. at that time I was still studying for the upcoming exam when you called me.

when I saw your name being displayed on the screen I start to whisper inside my head, 'why is she calling me this late?'. that was the first thought I had but of course, I answer it immediately. because I know you only call when you need me.

tapping to the green answer icon on the right bottom side of the screen, I wanted to say hello but I got cut off by the sound of you sobbing softly. I wanted to ask why are you crying. but I couldn't because my heart got so weak just by hearing you cry from the other side of the line.

"c-c-ch-chae...." you can hardly utter a word as you try to catch your breath from crying so hard. "yes, minmin?" "c-can you c-come he-here? I n-ne-need you," you begged. I knew it. you only come to me when you need me.

"where are you right now?" "in my r-ro-om." as fast as I can, I grab whatever coat or jacket I can find in the wardrobe. wouldn't want you to wait. I rather wait for you than you waiting for me.

I use the key you gave in a case for an emergency to open the door lock. minju lives in an apartment alone so it wouldn't be a problem for me to barge into her house without being rude.

when I went into your room, I notice how dark your room is which is kind of weird because I know the fact that you hate darkness. even the curtains are closed. it wasn't hard for me to find you at the corner of the room with your head resting on your knee.

walking closer towards your figure, I hear the same sound like the one when I first heard you in our phone call earlier. the sound of you sobbing. but it was clearer this time. I kneel in front of you with my hand caressing your soft brown hair lightly.

"minmin?" you raised her head as soon as you heard the sound of my voice echoing in your ears. almost immediately, you wrap your arms around my shoulder pulling me closer to you trying to find comfort as you cry on my shoulder.

as anyone would do, I wrap my arms around your waist gently rubbing your back trying to calm you down a little bit. "what's wrong, minmin?" I tried to talk to you with the softest voice anyone can have.

"yujin.... she... broke up with me. she said i'm not the one for her." ah.... so that's why you are crying right now. the one whom you love the most just left you because her heart doesn't beat the same anymore. that's what I feel this whole time, Kim Minju.

"it's okay, minmin. I'm here for you. I'll be by your side and comfort you... just lean on my shoulder. I'll lend you my shoulder for you to cry on.

Even if everything in this world changes.

Even if your tears continue to stream down...

I'll be here for you.

Come into my arms when the days of sadness comes to haunt you. Lean on me, when you're not strong. everyone needs somebody to lean on. and I'll be that somebody.

If you have to bear the burden on your back and you have a hard time trying to carry it, I'll carry it for you. I'll share the burden with you.

because we all have to feel pain in our lives and we all feel sad at some point."

then, I heard a soft snore coming from you. you were sleeping comfortably on my shoulder with you arms still tightly wrapped around my neck. with all the energy I had left, I carry you in a bride style to your bed for you to lay on.

"you might not hear this but.... I'm in love with you Kim Minju. for a long time up until now. when you first told me that you had a girlfriend, I was jealous. I wanted to be the one whom you will spend your entire life with.

I wanted to confess to you, but I just couldn't. because I knew that you don't love me the same. and I don't want to ruin our friendship just because of my feelings.

I'll be there for you if you had a hard time with your life. just please don't leave me. I love you, minju," I whisper to her ear before placing a kiss on her forehead as a goodbye.

I was about to head towards the doorway when a handgrip tightly onto my wrist. looking back, you were staring at me with a smile on your face. pulling me into a hug, you began to whisper to my left ear.

"I love you too, chae."