mattia polibio: my boy

mattia's pov's

i slowly tried to drop lena. every time we facetimed i'd be dry. every time we texted or snapped i was dry. all i could think about was y/n. it's like she was my home.  the thought of michael laying his dirty ass hands on her infuriated me. but what more could i do? he was already in juvy. it'd been a while since she enrolled in rehab. if i was being honest, i just wanted things to go back to how they were. y/n was being dry to ME for some reason. i decided to facetime her. thankfully, she answered.

y/n: what
mattia: jeez why so mean? i just wanted to say hi. i miss you.

i saw her roll her eyes. what the fuck?

mattia: you're dry
y/n: ok
mattia: why you actin like that?
y/n: you know what?
mattia: what.
y/n: you flirt with literally everyone. it's annoying.
mattia: uh why does it concern you? we're broken up. remember? or did you forget?
y/n: i can't believe you basically cheated on me before i even 'cheated' on you. i just got bashed for it more because i got 'caught' meanwhile you didn't.
mattia: why are we even arguing about it? we aren't even together anymore? i thought we're starting over and forgetting about everything?
y/n: well i can't. because i hate how you got away with it and i didn't. you always complained about how people called you a 'fuck boy' and you'd always say how you weren't. well guess what you are. you played me, you played cynthia, you played lena. it seems like the only person you have true feelings for is jenna.
mattia: what the fuck where'd you get jenna from?! don't bring her into this.
y/n: oh so now you're defending her.
mattia: yeah, because she has nothin to do with this.
y/n: fuck you mattia.

ok. that hurt.

mattia: why are you being such a bitch? just a few moments ago we were fine and now this?
y/n: excuse me? first of all you're the bitch not me. and i'm tired of letting everyone and everything walk all over me. i might've been a druggy who was blind just a few moments ago but i'm working on myself right now. and i'm not gonna let certain shit slide. i'm becoming a better person. or at least i'm trying.
mattia: why is it so hard for you to fucking understand that you're the only one i want?
y/n: you prolly don't even know what the fuck you want.
mattia: I WANT YOU! i just want things to go back to the way they were. i want you next to me in this bed right now.
y/n: shut up.
mattia: why does it make you so mad that i wanna be with you?!
y/n: because i literally just realized you cheated on me before i even cheated on you. the trust we had is gone. i can't just accept you back into my life.
mattia: ok so we both made some stupid mistakes. they cancelled out each other. boom. done.
y/n: it's not that easy! why'd you even talk to cynthia in the first place when you knew we were together? how long have you been talking to her for while we were together?

i was silent. i didn't know if i should tell her or not.

y/n: come on just tell me. we have nothing to hide.

alright.

mattia: for like... 3 weeks.

she stopped whatever she was doing.

mattia: i don't know why i did what i did, ok? but it meant nothing. you're the only one i actually loved ok? don't think otherwise.

she laughed.

y/n: you bitch. you know what you sound like right now? you sound like me. when you pushed me away when i said exactly that. oh how the TURN TABLES. were you bored? was i too boring? what was it? huh?

i quietly laughed. i miss her little jokes. but right now was a serious matter so i don't know why she said that.

mattia: it was nothing i don't fucking know ok?

next thing you know she hangs up.

fuck.

i wasn't boutta give up. not til things are back to normal and we're together. or, at least not till we're on good terms.

i still had homework to do. i wasn't motivated enough to do it though.

i know it was middle school-ish. but i started looking at sad quotes. ahaha. even worse i was listening to sad music.

if i was being honest, cynthia was pretty. and i guess i lost sight of the love y/n and i had. but why? maybe because i was scared to lose y/n. and if i did i'd be able to say 'i don't give a fuck' and fuck over cynthia.
but why had i lost sight of how much i loved y/n for that short period of time? just to realize all cynthia wanted was clout?

mom: mattia come down for dinner!

i didn't even wanna eat.  i was insecure bout my weight and sad. but it smelt good so i went down anyways. i ate my dinner and went back upstairs. i facetimed the boys.

alejandro: hola
kairi: dude celia won't shut- what's wrong?
roshuan: what is the tea

he said in a british accent. i guess my sadness was that noticeable.

mattia: you guys know how i was like...uh... talking to cynthia while i was with y/n?
roshuan: pftt yeah. and she gained hella clout off of you. why?
mattia: well y/n knows now.
alvaro: so you both know that both of you cheated on each other.
mattia: yeah. but like, she's mad.
alejandro: what do you mean?
mattia: like she's being dry and shit. and at first she said just forget about everything and start over but now she's mad.
alvaro: girls are confusing
mattia: yeah i know

i rubbed my face and sighed. i hated where we were right now.

mattia: i just want things to go back to normal.
kairi: well, you didn't exactly have an intimate relationship with cynthia... right? so it shouldn't count.
robert: ok but y/n kissed alejandro and there weren't any intimate feelings. so it shouldn't have counted as bad as it did. now that i look at it.
alvaro: it's just a big cheating fest
mattia: shut up
robert:  ok be honest. you guys probably didn't even love each other and was just bored. and lived next door to each other. so it was convenient.

i made a disgusted face.

mattia: nah. i actually liked her.
roshuan: well, do you still love her?
mattia: yeah.
roshuan: does she still love you?
mattia: i don't know.
alejandro: well if it's going to be one-sided then you need to stop.. you know, wanting it to happen.
mattia: imma just wait it out and give her some space. let her clear out her head and shit.
alejandro: what's up with lena?
mattia: same shit as always.
roshuan: clout chaser?

i shook my head no.

mattia: i'm just like, tired of it. it felt like i was trying to make something happen that wasn't meant to happen, you know?
roshuan: jenna or y/n. who's better.
mattia: bruh ion even know.
robert: who do you really LOVE
mattia: as if right now the only girl i have my mind on is y/n and that's that. period.
alejandro: PeRioDt
alvaro: KAIRI help me with this math homework.
kairi: why me
robert: cuz you're smart and asian.
kairi: bruh

i laughed. we continued talking about random shit and billie eilish.

mattia: alright. i'm just- i'm just fucking tired. imma go to sleep.
kairi: imma stay on facetime because i can't sleep. also to help alvaro with his stupid homework.
mattia: aight. adios.

i hung up, took a shower, and laid in bed.
i scrolled on my phone reading all the hate comments i got daily.

i remember talking to y/n about the drugs she took, some time in the hospital. why she took them and shit. she told me how happy they made her feel. she described every little detail too.

and i wanted that at this exact moment.