River

Chapter 26

I tuck Neferank into the small bed that Luke's mom had. I called Dad to tell him that I'd be spending the night over.

He felt bad for some unknown reason but refused to let me know until I can home. I figured it'd be because of what happened at school, the principal probably called him and told him what's wrong.

My heart sped up a little at the sight of Neferank snoring quietly, I just couldn't stay away from her, especially after the incident of that dead raccoon. I would totally go mad.

I bite the inside of my cheeks and turn to Luke who was sitting in the corner of the room.

My heart clenched as I stared at him, he looked so lost, so broken, so afar from the world. I crouch down to him and plaster a fake and wide smile on my face.

"So fatty, wanna get some food?" He looks up to me and for the first time he shows some emotion since Xena's parents came over-- he rolls his eyes.

I shove him and he lets out a low chuckle before pulling me into a hug, holding me close to his chest.

"Kai, I hate you so much you little fuck." He says, his voice thick with emotion. "I hate you too you whatever-word-you-just-said." I tell him and he laughs.

He shoves me, putting his hands in my face. I roll my eyes and shush him when I see Neferank turning, we walked out to the kitchen, taking our time to eat the lasagna that Nova had made for dinner.

I bite my lip and look out the window, thinking of what happened earlier at school today.

How I let Meredith slip and break everything I have worked so hard for, everything I fought my demons for.

How could I have been so stupid?

How could I have let that show?

I know you all are thinking who and why I call myself Meredith when I do something absolutely crazy, well I'll explain now.

Meredith, Meredith, Meredith.

Oh sweet, sweet psycho me.

It's so funny, you know.

I have two sides, two messed up sides.

There's one where I'm a lonely girl that tries to act strong, all because her mom left her, she's a girl that is afraid of the world and afraid of everyone.

Then there's the crazy psycho girl that craves pain, that does everything she can to inflict it on someone while still feeling it.

This is me.

When I was 14, I had a very sick mind. Wanting to get rid of every smile on any face I see because I couldn't smile.

I wanted all to feel pain, because that was all I felt.

All I wanted to feel, all I needed to feel.

It started with the small fights with bullies, the occasional tossing around, then it became the punches, then the kicks, and then it got to the point where I would actually pass out from all the pain.

Until I couldn't take it anymore.

So I decided to stand up for myself, letting my twisted side, the part that craved revenge, that wanted to see them in pain, needed it.

I let it show.

And I became a monster.

I only let out my anger, because it was the only emotion I felt.

Dad couldn't bare to see his only daughter with anger seaping through her blood, the only thing she danced in, the only thing she embraced just as much as the pain.