Forget me | Yenyul

XXI: Drawing

"Yena wake up, wake up! Wake up!!!" she pushed me and I fell on the ground. I looked up and saw Hyewon staring at me. She kicked me once and I stood up immediately.

"Why are you here?" I said as I made my way to the bathroom. "In case you forgot, there's this new store near the cafe. And you promised to take me there" I went out of the bathroom and shaked my head at her.

"I cant, go by yourself" she held my shoulder and constantly pulled it. "Come on~"

"I have to take care of stuff" she let go of me and went to sit on my bed. "You said that yesterday. Dont tell me it's still because of her"

"I broke up with her yesterday" she lowered her head and realized the situation. I cant go with her today, it's just that ... i'm a mess.

"So that's why she moved out. She went back to live with her friends, she left this morning" she left ... I expected that. I knew that I was the only reason for her to stay here.

"Enough about her, can you help me with something?" She tilted her head but slowly nodded. "I want you to help me with my memories" she quickly shaked her head and stood up.

"I'm not the right person for that. If you want, you could call Chaewon" I cant, I already gave her a hard time yesterday. And she might be busy with school stuff. "No thanks, can you just leave me here? I'll bring you to that store some other time" she nodded then went to leave.

I layed back in my bed and closed my eyes. Those thoughts always come when I try to relax. I have my memories back but I can't understand who I am.

Flashback

I was in art class and everyone was drawing something with their crayons and pencils. I looked around and saw them working in pairs.

"Is there anyone who doesn't have a partner?" The teacher said as I raised my hand. Everyone looked at me, and no other kid raised their hand.

The teacher came to me and asked if anyone wants to let me join their group. No one was raising their hand so I suggested to just draw by myself. The teacher agreed and just left me alone.

I didnt care if no one in class wanted to be my friend nor did I care of what they thought of me. All I know is after this class, i'll get to go meet Chaewon.

Class ended as our teacher returned our atworks after checking it. I grabbed my bag and held my artwork with both of my hands then I ran to Chaewon's room.

She saw me from the inside and waved her hand at me. I waved back and gave her a smile. I waited for her outside and saw other people passing by.

There was this girl who came to me. She grabbed my drawing of Chaewon and me then stared at it. I tried to take it from her but she was too strong.

"Wahhhhhhh~ your drawing is good" she said as I tried to take it from her again. "Give it back!" She pushed me making me fall on the ground. Tears started to fall from my eyes but I didnt make a sound.

"It's good but you color supidly. Why are their faces yellow? And is this the sky? Why is it green? ..." she kept on asking me about the colors i've chosen in my drawing.

"Wh-why do yo-you ca-care!" I kicked her leg making her whine in pain. She ripped my drawing in half then threw it to me. "Weirdo! This is why no one likes you!"

"This girl kicked me!" She said calling her other friends. I layed on the floor as they kicked me multiple times.

I closed my eyes so I wouldnt see her, I tried to be quiet and not cry but I couldnt help feeling the pain. She stopped kicking but I didnt move. I kept my current position and still closed my eyes.

"Unnie ... are you okay?" I opened my eyes and saw Chaewon infront of me. "Dont worry, I already told the teacher" I nodded as she helped me up.

I looked down the floor and saw my drawing. I picked it up and stared at it. This was supposed to be a gift to Chaewon, but she ruined it.

"It's okay, we can fix it" she pulled me inside her classroom then she taped my drawing together. "Chaewon-ah, is it weird that I colored them differently?"

"Yes" she nodded. I thought it would be weirder if I follow what the others did. Who cares if I want my sky green or red? It's my drawing isnt it? I thought she'd team up with me. "I knew it, that's why they call me weird"

"Your drawing might be weird but I like it, it's something only you could make ... is this a drawing of you and me?" I slowly nodded. "It's beautiful"

"Really?" She nodded. "You're the only one who thinks that" she tilted her head and hugged me. She patted me on the back and let go of me.

"I'll always be here if you think you're weird. We can be weird together. I'll be your friend" I looked at her for a while. I thought she only wants to be my friend because our parents are friends. But when you look at her you could see the sincerity in her eyes and smile. "Forever?"

"Forever"

End of flashback

I think that was the time that I realized that Chaewon was the only friend that I need. Then after a few years I met Hyewon, Yujin, Chaeyeon and Hitomi. I knew I was weird and she was the only one who stayed by me at that time.

Maybe that's the real reason I tried to kill myself. I was bullied and had no friends but Chaewon came to save me. The time that we weren't in good terms and when she started to avoid me was the reason I got messed up. Seeing her leave me just like that broke me.

Even when I had new friends, it wouldnt be the same without her.

I realized a few days ago that I never loved her romantically. I loved her as a friend but by the time that she confessed I couldnt just break her heart. So I thought of giving it a go. I thought that I could eventually love her the same way, but I was wrong.

■ Who is Kim Chaewon in Choi Yena's life?

Chaewon is her life long friend. The person who'd always be there for her in times of need. Kim Chaewon is a person who Yena would do everything for just to make her happy.

That's all I think about her, a friend. A very special friend.

Knock knock

The door opened revealing my big brother. He was holding a plate with a bunch of sandwiches. "I thought you might be hungry" He sat next to me as I ate one of his sandwiches.

"Oppa, What was our relationship as brother and sister?" I remember all of our moments but I dont get all the parts just yet.

"Well ... you liked me, very much. I was practically your idol" He giggled as I pushed him lightly. "We're close, you even went to sleep with me and play with my toys" I smiled at the thought that my memories of him were true.

"But you did hide stuff from me before. You know my small robot? I bet it's still in this room" I laughed as I tried to recall where I placed his old toy. I think its near the vanity mirror somewhere. "Nope I dont"

"Anyways, I'll have to go now. Bring down your plate later" I nodded as he left. I continued to eat the sandwiches and just let myself relax first.

I know I have a good relationship with my family and friends. The only thing that would make me sad is the bullying at school, but Chaewon already helped me with that.

I'm not really sure if Chaewon is the reason of my suicide but I dont think its her. Even past me would think that its a stupid idea. I have to know more about myself. Because even when all of these memories coming back, I still have no idea who Choi Yena is.