Forget me | Yenyul

XXXVI: Anger

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Stupid ... stupid ... stupid .." I hit myself with a pillow and occasionally punch myself as well. why do I have to be so stupid?

It's only been a few weeks since Yena unnie and now i'm all angry about my stupid decision. I kept on punching the pillow and sometimes I throw it as well. Nako doesnt even go to our room anymore.

"Yuri unnie ..."

"WHAT!? Cant you see that i'm busy!?" I grabbed Duckie (the stuffed toy that Minju bought me) And tried to choke it. Wonyoung slowly walked inside. I think she was a bit scared but I couldnt help it. I'm just so angry at myself, Yena unnie.

"Let's go somewhere, Minju unnie will join us" I shaked my head. I appreciate the help but I dont have time for that now. I might end up hitting a random stranger. "No thanks"

"Come on~ you can vent your anger there" We bickered a bit before I finally gave in. Minju told me to wear something comfortable but not pajamas.

I stayed quiet for the entire trip to wherever we were going. Why was I so stupid? Yuri, if you love her then why push her away? Gyuri is dead and you're fully aware of that now. Then what's holding you back?

I want to call her but I cant. It's because of her stupid last words saying to call her when i'm miserable. Its so frustrating!!! Why did she have to say that?!

She couldve just said to call her anytime I want her back. But that would make no sense since I pushed her away. How stupid can you be!?

"Woah, woah ... stop hitting yourself" Minju said as Wonyoung held my arms. "Look unnie your forehead is already red"

She just held my arms to prevent me from unconsciously hitting myself. I deserve a beating, I feel so frustrated with myself. If Yena unnie was here she'd probably be beaten uo too.

We arrived at the said place, It was actually a baseball field. But there were no people except for us. "Why is this place empty?" Wonyoung said as soon as she looked around.

"I rented it for the day" we placed all our stuff to the side. As Minju and Wonyoung pulled me to the field.

"Do you even know how to play?" They looked at each other and shaked their heads. "Then let's go home, there's no point in bringing me here"

Minju grabbed my arm and held me by the shoulders. You've got to be kidding me, I shaked my head as she told me her wonderful idea.

"Now Yuri, RUN!!! And also shout, shout your anger out" I shaked my head from their stupid idea and went to the side. I saw them look at each other before walking to me.

"Run Yuri, RUN!!!" Minju kept on saying stuff to make me run. "Then I know the perfect idea, let's give our unnie a call" she took her phone and searched for Yena unnie's contact.

I was confident that she wouldn't do it, but she did. She showed me her phone as Yena unnie hasn't answered yet.

"Oh Minju, Annyeong!!!" She answered as both of them looked at me. I shaked my head and mouthed them to not mention me or anything.

"Yena unnie~" Wonyoung was now greeting her as Minju mouthed to run. "Yena unnie ... did you know that-" I ran.

I was too embarrassed, I ran without looking back. I could hear them still talking to her but that made me run even faster.

Her voice was still the same ... How I missed her voice. I've been running for half an hour avoiding the two who were staring at me. My mind was full of 'what did she say?' 'Did she ask about me?' If yes, what did she say?' 'If no, then why not? Doesn't she miss me?'

"Why doesnt she mi ... miss me?" I continued running for another 30 minutes. I stopped as I became tired, water ... I need water.

I ran to Wonyoung and Minju as they handed me a water bottle. I finished the bottle in less than 10 seconds. Wheww ... I feel so tired.

Why do they have to do that? The real question is ... why didn't I just run in the first place? Why do you have to be so, SO STUPID!?

"Woah ... woah, you're hitting yourself again" They pulled me somewhere and gave me a helmet and a bat. "I told you to shout all your anger out. But you just ran for an hour"

"Unnie, i'll be throwing and you hit them, but not too far. We'll have to get them back" but ... what if I get hit by the ball? That will surely hurt.

Wonyoung got ready to throw as the told me to be ready as well. I have no experience at all but let's do this.

She thew them one by one and I obviously missed every ball. "Wait ... ouch, ouch, time out!!!" She stopped throwing as she went to me.

"What happened? unnie?" I shaked my head. She didnt really hurt me but most of the balls hit me. "I dont like this, can you just leave me alone for a moment?" She nodded and left to go to Minju.

I grabbed the baseball and thew it. I felt satisfaction with doing it, so I did it again. I kept on throwing over and over.

Why did she even leave? I only said that 'cause I know she'd stay for me. How could she do this to me!?

"CHOI YENA!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A FREE SPIRIT! YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU'D MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES! THEN WHY DID YOU LISTEN TO ME!?

Wh-why ... why did you ever listen to me? When I said forget me, I meant stay.

I MEANT STAY!!! WHY!? WHY LEAVE ME!?

Why be so stupid? Why am I so stupid?! Why did I push you away?

YENA UNNIE!!! IF YOU STILL LOVE ME THEN PLEASE ... PLEASE SHOW UP.

I dont want to call you, since that would make you right! But please ... you might not understand me most of the time but you're there.

You're always there, even when I dont need you to be. Then out of all the days that you choose to leave, Why now!?

Why?! WHY!? I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

I HATE LIFE ... when I thought that it gave me a second chance. That's when it hit me in the face. YOU ALREADY TOOK GYURI UNNIE AWAY!!!

SHE DIED IN A CAR CRASH! AND I WASNT THERE FOR HER, I WAS THE LAST ONE TO KNOW. She died, she died in a car crash. Life already took her away ...

Isn't that a good enough suffering for me to learn and grow!? I went crazy and I tried to kill myself. I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF!!! ISNT THAT GOOD ENOUGH!?

I SUFFERED ALREADY!!! I just want to be happy again. So why do you want to take her away from me? Why take her away!? Why did you let her leave!?

YOU TOOK GYURI UNNIE AWAY, DONT TAKE YENA UNNIE AS WELL. She's the only one that I have.

Tell me! Why did she give me space? Why did I want to forget her!? WHY!?

I HATE YOU!!! I HATE LIFE, I HATE MYSELF, I HATE YENA UNNIE AND GYURI UNNIE.

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!"

[Wonyoung's POV]

"Unnie, should we stop her?" She shaked her head. "Nope, just let her be. She needs to do this, she's having all these mixed emotions right now and she needs to shout her anger out, she'll get better after this"

"But ..." I didnt continue, I know that Minju unnie wouldnt let me do anything. "Do you think Yuri unnie would be okay?" She shrugged.

"I dont think so, this might just be the start. She also did this before when Gyuri unnie died ... but now's different 'cause Yena unnie is still alive" How come I didnt know all this? We've been friends for a few years, so I was there when Gyuri unnie died.

"When did this all happen? And how didn't I know anything?" She looked at Yuri. "We didnt tell you because you were too young to understand what was happening. You were in school so you didn't notice"

But ... I gave up, even if I ask Minju unnie or even anyone. No one would tell me the whole story. We just stared at shouting Yuri unnie for the whole day.