Forget me | Yenyul

LIII: Take turns

I am left with my undies as she grabbed my clothes and threw it out of the window. She ... threw my hospital clothes. Well, that means I have nothing to wear anymore.

She suddenly removed her dress and threw it out of the window as well. We were both in our underwear just staring at each other.

"Wha-what are you doing?" She sat down and made me sat down in front of her. She still had this look on her face which I couldnt explain.

"No more hiding, let's take turns telling everything. After that ... then we'll decide what we are" I took a deep breath as my whole body shaked. It was cold, all I wanted is a blanked that could warm my body. But she's right, no more hiding.

We stayed quiet for a while before she finally spoke and told me that she'll start.

"I failed six times" I tilted my head as I just stared at her. We had this unspoken rule that we should wait for the other one to finish before speaking.

"I failed to die six times in three years. I dont know if that's an accomplishment or a failure but that's what happened" her eyes were trembling, I know that she's scared while saying all this.

I cant even make a comment about it. We said that we'll have to listen to everything first. That means that she really had a hard time. I'm just glad that she's still alive.

Now ... it's my turn to say something.

What should I say? She's just quietly waiting for me as I try to thinknof something. I should let out everything today.

"Every morning, I would drink coffee in front of the window in my room" This sounds so weak compared to what she said earlier. But here I go ...

"The coffee would always be too bitter or too sweet. It was never just right. Three years in Japan was like that, my day would either be amazing or uneventful. There was never a just right day for me" she hid her expressions well. I dont even know what she's thinking.

It was her turn, I could see that she was thinking of something to say.

"You can clearly see all these scars all over my body" she stood up and turned around. I was kinda embarrassed looking at her body. But those scars, it was a nightmare seeing them.

She went to the table and grabbed something. I couldnt see what it was since everything happened so quickly. "This is what happened" she started cutting her thigh. It already had scars but she added more. It was one simple cut but I made so much damage.

She threw away the blade and just stood there while looking at me. I wanted to go to her, ask her if she was alright but somehow I couldnt. The blood kept on dripping from her leg until it got to her foot.

"It's really weird how I dont feel anything yet it's bleeding" I couldnt handle this anymore. I went to her but it would be weird if I touch her thigh and wipe off the blood. So I just held her by the shoulders.

Tears started falling from both our eyes. But her expression stayed the same.

"Let go of me" she said as she removed my hands and sat down. It feels like I dont know this person anymore.
"Stop looking at me like that, it's your turn" I shaked my head and took a deep breath.

"I went back to korea and did activities with Yujin so that I could move on from you"  I took a deep breath and tried to see if she has any reaction to this. But there wasnt anything.

"Three years, that's how long I waited for your call but you never did. Now, I got into an accident and you show yourself like this" I have no idea where this is going but here I go. "I always imagined how your life would be when I left. You pushed me away so many times before, so I thought you'd be happy like this. But you werent"

She blankly stared at me. No emotions. No anything. "I ran away and stayed in Japan. Even when all my friends wanted me to come back, I still stayed. So that you could be happy. I guess I didnt really do anything for you" I stayed quiet and motioned her to speak.

I'm still a distracted by the blood dripping from her thigh but I couldnt do anything. She still had that look with her.

"I went to Japan and looked for you" she what!, how come i'm hearing about this only now!? "Three years ago with Nako. We went to Japan and searched for you, but you werent anywhere to be found" that means ... she tried, she tried looking for me. Does that mean she still missed me?

"I did almost everything just to get you back but we couldnt find you" where was I? What was I even running away from!?

"Why didnt you call me?" That was the only thing that I could say. Her call, that's what i'm waiting for.

"I couldnt. That means i'll admit that i'm miserable without you" ohh my- Yuri ... how long have you suffered like this?

"You said nothing will change even if you get your memories back. But you were the first one to let go. I cant just run to you and say that I miss you, but I did. I went to Japan, you werent there. Do you think that i'll forgive you just because you got into an accident? You never changed, still the same Yena unnie from before" she said as she stood up, grabbed and wore clothes that was in the corner and left me.

"Bu-but ... you told me to go away"

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I sat alone in the room staring at the blood stains on the floor. I didnt know that Yuri felt that way. If I only knew, I shouldve just came back and begged her again.

Why does this relationship have to be so complicated? I wish that I never survived after jumping off that bridge. That would make me so peaceful right now.

Who even told her to save me!? Pshh- What's worse than doing suicide? Oh I know, Failing to do so. I couldve just died back then than having to feel this way.

I'm so messed up. My life is messed up to start with, Family ... only heard of it, Friends ... I have them but what do they even do. All I have is temporary happiness then nothing else.

Even Yujin left me, who knows who'll leave me next?

After a few minutes of just sitting there I realized that I was still left with my undies. So ... Yuri left me like this, so I couldnt run away.

I searched for any piece of clothing that I could possibly find. But it seems like she hid it all or took it away.

At times like this, there's only one person to call. Chaewon. But the only problem was ... I dont have my phone or anything with me.

So I just sat there again and waited for someone to come pick me up or smth. I remembered what she said earlier.

No more hidng, let's take turns and see what we are.

I dont know what conclusion she had in mind but mine was. We're messed up people, both of us are just ... tired. Tired of the world and everything.

At first yeah, it was great having each other. But we're helpless, I have no idea of what could possibly save me from this life that I have.

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[Yuri's POV]

I texted Chaewon unnie to pick up Yena unnie. She was confused but she also agreed to do it.

I hope Yena unnie is satisfied now. I should probably just cut my ties from everyone, as in everyone. And maybe I could start again. This time, i'll live life as Jo Yuri, without anyone holding me back.

Ding~

Wonyoung texted me about the funeral this saturday. I dont really want to attend but i'll maybe pass by. I still dont know.

I'll start a new life and change. That's the only thing that I want to do right now.

The end is near.