Forget me | Yenyul

XXXIII: Talk II

I just let the tears fall, I wanted to stop her from wiping them away but I couldnt. Crying is the only thing that my body wants to do for now.

"Shhhh ... unnie, it's okay" she said as she gave light pats on my back. I took a deep breath and wiped all the tears away. This is not the time for Yuri to be listening to my life, this time i'll listen to her.

I collected all my thoughts and took a deep breath. "Dont worry about me" I gave her a smile. "I want to listen to you"

She still looked nervous so I grabbed her hand and gave her a smile. Hoping that whatever I did helped her have courage. She suddenly layed on the floor, I stared at her for a few minutes before lying next to her.

"I dont know where to start. I might just say stupid and useless things" I giggled at her idea. "Then I would love to hear all those useless things. Anything you say will be beautiful"

"We're not so different if you think about it. Just like you I had my own Chaewon. I had a friend who was supposed to be there whenever we needed each other.

But unlike you and Chaewon, there was no unrequited love. It's because we both love each other not romantically but as friends or family.

In your case you were bullied but Chaewon was there for you, until she wasn't. Mine on the other hand is that I was never bullied, I had lots of friends and people around me. I appreciated every single one of them but the truth was that I only needed one, or so I thought.

Her name is ..." she paused for a moment as she tried to get herself together. I faced her and gave her a smile.

"Her name is Gyuri ... Jang Gyuri" she stopped as she just stared at the ceiling. I wanted to talk and ask her but I decided to just wait for what she was gonna say.

"She wasnt my only friend but we were closer than best friends. She also had lots of people around her, both of us are really friendly. I would always support her in anything that she does.

And just like what you did to Chaewon, one day she told me that she liked someone. I supported her in every way that I could. After a few months they would break up and then she'd tell me that she likes someone again. She's really something.

I couldnt forget her smile, she always showed me her smile every time that I was down. I would do the same thing for her.

Then one day she came to me saying that she couldnt handle things anymore. She said that she was so scared that she could die. I didnt know that she had problems with her. Every time I ask her if she's okay, she'll say that she's better than okay. She'll do it with a smile that would make you believe everything is okay.

She listened to everything that I had to say. Most of my problems were solved thanks to her. She ... she listened to my problems while she hid hers.

I never knew that she was hurting so when she came to me that day, I was just surprised. I didnt know what to do nor did I do anything. I just listened ... that's it.

I listened just like how she does to me. I believed that when I did that, she'll be okay again. Just imagine your support needs support as well.

At first I thought that we leaned on each other. But that day I realized that I was the only one leaning. I felt so hurt that she didnt tell me her problem.

She just cried saying that she couldnt do it anymore. She wanted me to tell her that everything will be okay and that i'll stay with her. When she said that life was so hard that she wanted to leave. I didnt understand why someone would think about life this way, until I found out myself.

I was studying for an exam that day. She said she was on her way to meet me. That's why I felt relieved but she didnt come.

My friends told me to just focus on studying first and that maybe Gyuri unnie had something to do. So I did what I was told, the next day I took my exam and did better than usual.

I was so happy that day it felt like nothing could go wrong. When I came home a few of Gyuri unnie's friends were there that's why I searched for her.

I could clearly remember the words that Jisun unnie said to me. 'She's been in the hospital since last night and she ... she's gone' you would see tears in her eyes as she said that.

She died and I was the last person in our group of friends to know. She was planning on suicide but nature caught on and helped her. Car accident ... yup it was an accident.

Her death made me somewhat crazy. I felt like my whole world was destroyed. I didnt want to believe that all this happened so I went out of reality.

I imagined that she was still alive and did everything I could to make it stay that way. I couldnt accept the fact that she was dead. A lot has happened and my friends suggested on going to a psychologist or a therapist.

That idea ended up putting me in the hospital for a month. They couldnt handle me anymore, they said that I should become myself first.

Almost everyone told me to just forget about her but how could I? It took me a month to get me back to reality.

When I came back after a few weeks, I left and ran to kill myself. I understood what Gyuri unnie meant that life was too hard on her. Some people may think that both of us were just talking nonsense. But for us it was a life or death situation.

Then I met you ... I saw myself in you. The way that I talked to her and told her everything. And how she'd always just give me a smile.

Being with you made me realize that small problems for me may be big problems for other people. And things that I wouldnt even think about would be something that other people would overthink. You showed me a different perspective on life. And I thank you for that.

I'm not mad that you broke up with me, i'm sad. I just want to clear my thoughts about her. I love you unnie but every time I see you i'm reminded of her.

She left me without a warning, she left me with all her problems stuck with me. And you ... you broke up with me all of a sudden saying that your past has caught up. It's hard for me too, I just hope you dont go and try to kill yourself again.

It will be hard for me if I loose you both" after that final sentence she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

I slowly stroked her head. "Well done Yuri, you dont have to let go of her now. I'll be waiting whenever you're ready"

I let myself rest as I felt her wrap her arms around me. When I woke up she was still sleeping. I woke her up and told her to come with me.

I brought her to the beach where I used to spend my afternoons. The feel there was still the same and everything still seemed to be the same. The sun already set when we came that's why the sand wasnt that hot anymore.

"Why are we here?" She said as I gave her a smile. "To free yourself" she tilted her head and stared at me.

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! JO YURI! SARANGHAEE!!!" She stopped me from shouting as I just smiled. "People might think you're crazy"

"No one's here at this time of day. They might be going home from work or school, so feel free to scream anything" she smiled as she took a deep breath and gave me a nod.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! CHOI YENA!!! WHY DID YOU HURT ME LIKE THAT!!?" She giggled as soon as she stopped. "That felt good"

"I'm sorry for breaking up with you. I cant tell you how much I regret that decision. Everything is my fault, I was too selfish to think that you were fine" I said as I held her hand.

"I said that I hate you right? What I said was true, I do hate you. You do a lot of things that makes me annoyed, you say that you love me but you broke up, you dont realize that I was also hurting, you follow me everywhere and you act like a kid. There are a lot more things that make me hate you but as I said before. Even if there are a hundred reasons for me to hate you I cant do that because I-"

"You love me" I said finishing her sentence, I pulled her in for a hug as I let go and smiled at her. We removed our gaze and looked at the sky.

"Yuri" she quickly looked at me. "Why unnie?"

"Would you be my girlfriend?"