Chasing my Dream

Chapter 58

I woke slowly feeling exhausted.   As I blinked my eyes I groaned, my whole body felt sore.   I reached out for my phone and jumped when I saw Axel sitting in my window seat. 

I looked around the room to see Brandon, Marc, Corey and Raven in different positions in the room.  I closed my eyes taking in a long breath.   I wasn't as angry as last night but I was struggling with how they were treating me at the moment. 

"You ran" is all that Axel said.  I turned towards him his face a mask. 

"I didn't run I felt claustrophobic and unwelcome.  Things were bothering Raven and Brandon and you shut me out.  I felt Marc had pushed me away and I felt on the outside again.   I wanted to talk and tried maybe I didn't try hard enough.  I need to wake up to talk through this more.  Marc would you mind making some coffee and I'll meet you all downstairs" I said retreating to my bathroom. 

I heard them all going downstairs.  I know I sounded pathetic but I needed them to understand how they can't treat me exactly like their brothers.   Relationships are so confusing. 

I went and put on some leggings and an off the shoulder t shirt and made my way downstairs. 

I found them sat in the dining room with coffee and a spare one for me. 

"Ok first we need to explain a few things.  Are we all happy to do this together or do you prefer speaking one on one with Pria?" he asked.

"I can start and I'm happy for you all to be involved" Brandon said.   "We were in the biker bar last night and it was busy.   I know a lot of the time we play roles to help the mission but I struggled.  I ended up kissing someone and having a lap dance.  When I came home I couldn't look at you and I felt dirty.   I was going to tell you but when I saw you I just wanted to avoid you.   I didn't want you to look at me differently" Brandon explained.    He couldn't look at me and I could see he was grappling with what happened.

"I'm not going to lie and say it's fine.  It's not easy hearing any of you being intimate with another woman but I also wouldn't want you to avoid these situations and put yourselves in danger.  It should have been something we discussed before but I think it's best if something happens we talk about it.  You made me feel like I'd done something wrong.   I was lost" I said.

Brandon stood and came around the table lifting me into his arms.  "I'm sorry Senna.   I never wanted to hurt you" he said into my neck. 

"That's what's important.  We don't want to hurt each other.  Don't get me wrong if any of you sleep with a woman I'll snag your balls and drag you by my car backwards" I felt him chuckle.  "Missions are difficult but we have to be honest about things, especially when it affects how we are feeling" I said.

He kissed my head and released me from our hug.  I sat again at the table. 

"So what had your knickers in a twist?" I asked Raven.  

"You avoid sex with me?" he said.  Now I got angry. 

"No I haven't.   I told you that I wanted you, Corey and I to be in this relationship equally.   I thought that our first time together should be the three of us.   I wanted us to share that bond together.   Instead you push me away and refused to speak to me" I said.

"I thought you were saying no" Raven said.

"If that's the case why didn't you say how you were feeling.  You all go on about me talking but last night you all went to bed without one person saying goodnight to me.  Even you Marc we'd had a special moment and when I was upset no one was around" I felt the tears well up again.