lover of mine // mgc

growing pains

two months later

"c'mon, say cal. you can do it luna."

calum said to luna as i laughed at the sight of my best friends trying to coherence my daughter into saying their name. 

"she's not going to say your name. we've been trying to get her to talk for weeks."

michael said as i plopped down next to him on the couch. after we told our friends about the miscarriage, michael and i decided the best thing for us would be to go to therapy together. i'm glad to say that it's really been helping and we're stronger than ever. i know michael wants another baby but i really don't want to rush things. i think the miscarriage was a sign that we need to slow down. not everything needs to be so fast.

"c'mon luna. just say bee. i know you can do it pretty girl."

bee said to luna and luna just giggled in response. calum, bee, and luke came over after the guys' recording session and i think they only come over to torment my daughter at this point. if only ashton and kaykay were here to join the party.

"she just doesn't like you. can you say uncle lu?"

luke asked luna. 

"lu!"

luna said as both michael and i's eyes went wide.

"did she just say your name?"

i asked luke as i picked luna up from her walker.

"i told you i'd be the favorite uncle."

luke said. 

"say it again luna. say lu."

michael said.

"lu!"

luna exclaimed as tears filled my eyes, this time they're finally happy ones.

"what a traitor."

bee said as they rolled their eyes.

"babe, she's a baby."

calum said.

"still."

"i can't believe she just said her first word!"

michael said as tears filled his own eyes. nothing makes me happier than having these moments with him. i'm so glad we're back in a healthy spot in our relationship. i can't picture myself doing this with anyone else.

"you're getting so big little one! next you'll be walking."

i said as i bounced luna on my hip and she giggled. after everyone calmed down, we all sat around the living room talking. 

"so, how's sierra doing?"

michael asked luke.

"eh, she's a bit irritable. she's 20 weeks today and she's just starting to show, which she really isn't fond of because none of her clothes fit."

"oh, been there. i practically lived in michael's clothes up until she was three months old."

i said as i looked down at a sleeping luna in my lap.

"yeah well she's stolen all of mine. and she gets the weirdest cravings too. who knew pickles and peanut butter would be good."

luke said as we all laughed.

"just remind her that it'll all be worth it in the end. i would give up the whole world for these two."

michael said as he wrapped his arm around me. i really hit the jackpot with him. 

+

"i can't believe luna said her first word today. it's insane how big she's getting."

i said to michael as i laid my head on his chest.

"i know. she's going to be a year old in two months."

"ugh don't remind me."

i said as i rubbed my face with my hands. my little girl is growing up. it's honestly terrifying. i want her to stay my baby girl forever.

"so, can we talk about something."

michael asked.

"what's up?"

"um, i know you were against it before but...what do you think about having another baby?"

michael asked. i took a deep breath as i really thought it over. i'd love to have another baby with michael but...i'm scared. i'm scared i'll lose them. i don't want to put either one of us through that again. but i know how badly michael wants a baby. and maybe that's enough to put my fears to rest? to know that he would be here if things go wrong again? is that enough?

"aren't you scared we'll lose them again?

i asked him.

"i'm terrified. but if it means that we get a baby in the end, i'm okay with a little bit of worrying. i don't want to pressure you into anything. i just want what you want."

michael said. i took a deep breath before sitting up and moving over to michael. i put both of my knees on either side of him so i was straddling his waist and smile.

"well, hello."

michael said as he ran his hands up and down the sides of my waist.

"you think we can do this?"

i asked him.

"yeah. i think we will be the best parents of two."

"then let's do it."

i said as i leaned down and placed a kiss to his lips. i guess we're officially trying again. which sounds absolutely terrifying the more i think about it. i just need everything to go right this time. no more heartbreak. i just need something to go right for us for once.