lover of mine // mgc

here for you

song for the chapter: my love won't let you down - little mix

anxiety is a bitch. i've suffered from it since i was in high school. the first time i ever experienced it, i was in the girls locker room, getting ready for a big race, when i had a panic attack. it felt like my chest was going to cave in. my body felt numb. i couldn't even move. ever since then, i've tried to keep my anxiety hidden. only michael knows about it, and even then, i never wanted him to know. but, one day at his house, i had a panic attack. i swore him to secrecy. it's something i've always been ashamed of. i'm not sure why. so when my leg started bouncing up and down like crazy as michael and i sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office, michael grabbed my hand and started rubbing his thumb on the back of it.

"hey, it's okay."

michael said as i nodded. i wish i could believe that but it feels like nothing is going to be okay anymore. how could anything be okay when we're having a baby that neither of us are prepared for? it's not. nothing is okay.

"just breathe. i'm right here."

michael whispered to me as i looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

"i'm so scared."

"i know. but, we can do this. i promise we'll figure it out."

michael reassured me. before i could say anything, i heard a nurse call me name and we were following her back to an exam room. soon, doctor green came in and introduced herself.

"you two excited?"

doctor green asked as she lifted my shirt and started to put the cold gel on my stomach.

"uh, yeah. you could say that."

michael said as i just stared at the ceiling of the exam room. i don't wanna cry. i don't wanna cry. i felt michael grab my hand as a small thumping sound filled the room.

"there's the heartbeat. you are indeed pregnant. i'd say about eight weeks. congratulations."

doctor green said as i sat up and looked at the monitor. tears filled my eyes as i saw the small blob that is michael and i's baby.

"t-that's our baby?"

i asked.

"yep. we should know the gender at about 20 weeks so you can make an appointment and retrieve your photos out front."

doctor green said as she wiped the gel off of my stomach. i looked over at michael, who had his own tears falling down his face.

"that's our baby."

michael sniffled as i smiled. maybe this could work. i know michael will be a good dad. i always knew that. he has that child-like spirit. he's great anytime we meet kids on the road or with luke's nieces and nephews. he's gonna be the best dad. i just don't know how i'm going to be as a mum. that's terrifying.

we went out front, made my next ultrasound appointment, got the photos of our little baby, and went home. when we got home, michael and i sat down on the sofa and just stared at the black and white photos.

"how are we going to tell the guys?"

i asked michael.

"I don't know. invite them over for pizza tonight and just...tell them i guess."

"do you think they'll be cool about it?"

"i think so. they'll probably fight over being the favorite uncle."

michael said with a laugh, which calmed my nerves a bit. i'm still terrified about it. having this baby means that everything stops for the band. this affects everyone. i don't want them to be mad at me. i can't have my best friends turn against me. it would break me.