Formula 1 one shots

Panic attack - Callum Ilott

Requested by: jhawker123. I hope you like it.

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Recently you have been promoted to Formula 2. Your boyfriend, Callum Ilott, was a driver in F2 as well. Today was the last day of the season, and you had a feeling about it all day. It has been a week ever since your brother, Anthoine, got into a crash and passed away. You arrived yesterday at the track here in Monza, Italy. But it didn't feel right. Your brother should be here. The race last week was suspended, so this would be your first time to get into a car after the accident. You got to Monza to drive the race, but you couldn't bring yourself to walk to the garage, to get into the car and drive. It was like your legs weren't working. You wanted to do this for your brother, to honour him, but you couldn't. What if something like that happened again? What if it happened to your or to Callum?

'Y/N, are you okay?' your trainer sat down across from you. 'We should be heading to the garage.'

You looked at her, doubting if you should say it. 'I don't know. I just had this feeling all day, and now my hands are shaking,' you said and showed her your hands, which were uncontrollably shaking.

'Is it about last week?'

You slowly nodded your head. 'I just don't know if I can do it. I've been thinking about it ever since I got here. I want to do this. I want to do this for Anthoine, but I can't. What if it happens again? What if I'm next or Callum? What if we-, How would it-, I can't even-, How am I-, What about-.' You didn't make any sense anymore. It was only parts of sentences you could say. Your breathing was getting out of hand, and you could feel your heart race.

'Calm down, Y/N. I can't say that it's not going to happen, but the changes are small. You can do this. All the guys are going back into the car. You can do it too. You'll be fine.'

You felt your hands going numb- it was a weird feeling. This whole day, you could've known this was coming if you paid more attention. You should've listened to your body. Your ears started to ring, drawing out any noise. In the distance, you could hear your phone ringing. You listened to your trainer say something, but you couldn't understand what she was saying. You felt a hand on your shoulder.

'Don't touch me,' you mumbled out of breath. You closed your eyes, trying to do the breathing exercises you were thought to do, but it didn't work. It only made things worse, and you felt like you were gasping for air by now.

'Take a breath, Y/N, you can do this.'

Callum? It sounded like him, very far away.

'I got you. Breathe in... and out...'

The smell of his cologne entered your nose. He placed his hand on yours. You didn't pull away.

'Come on, Y/N, you can do this. Deep breath in... and a deep breath out.'

The ringing in your ears slowly disappeared. The feeling in your hand came back. You squeezed Callum his hand a little bit.

'I got you. You're okay.'

You slowly opened your eyes and looked at Callum. He was sitting in front of you. Tears filled your eyes. 'I can't do this,' you mumbled. 'I can't do this anymore.'

Callum wrapped his arms around you. 'Shh, you're safe. I won't let you go.'

'I can't do this anymore, Cal. I can't do it too, my parents. I can't hurt my friends like that. I just can't.'

Callum pulled back from the hug, but didn't let go of your hands. 'What do you mean?'

'I can't go back in that car. Not after what happened last week, I...' all you ever wanted to do was make it to the top. You would be there with your brother, both winning race after race, doing all the fun things together and now he was gone.

'It's okay if you sit this race out, Y/N. No one would judge you for that.'

You shook your head. 'I can't go back into that car, not now, not ever. And if I quit now, nobody is going to ever give me a seat again. My career will be gone, but at least I'll be alive. I know Anthoine wouldn't want me to do that, but I just can't. I can't get into that car, Callum. I can't.'

'That's okay. Everybody understands. I'll be here with whatever you need. We only have to weekends left this season. Try again next year. You're a talent, Y/N. You're the first woman to be in Formula 2. I know you don't care about that right now, but it means something. It means something that they picked you. But if you want to quit, that's okay. I'll be here with you every step of the way.'

'Thank you,' you mumbled.

Callum wiped away your tears. 'But I do have to get into that car.'

You nodded your head. 'I love you. I love you so much. Please be safe.'

'Of course.' Callum kissed you before he walked away to drive the race.