You were head over heels in love with Mikasa Ackerman but often times it felt like she didn't feel the same way about you. She would often just treat you like a friend with benefits. Only searching for you when she needed comfort from a particularly bad day. You often tried to talk to her about it but she wouldn't let you. Always coming up with the excuse that she was just too tired and promised to talk to you in the morning but she never did. By the time you woke up, Mikasa was already gone. You eventually realized that Mikasa didn't want to talk about it so you decided to drop it. If the two of you got in an argument, that would just mean she would ignore you and you would spend even less time with her.
X
When you got hurt during one of the expeditions, Mikasa had actually stuck around. She refused to leave you side and stayed with you until you were healed. You had hoped that she would stick around as she had when you got hurt but that hadn't been the case, she just resumed to her regular schedule of only coming to visit you when she needed you to comfort her.
You were miserable without her around because you had gotten used to her being there for you so any chance that you would get, you would allow yourself to get hurt. Your plan was stupid because of how often your life was at risk but it worked, Mikasa came back around. She stuck around the infirmary until you were healed and then always left when you were.
"You're going to get yourself killed, (y/n)"
Sasha tells you one day. It was obvious to everyone about what you were doing. The only reasons why the section leaders hadn't pulled you out is because they needed bodies for the expeditions. If you wanted to get yourself killed, they weren't going to stop you.
"What are you talking about, Sasha?"
"I'm not stupid, (y/n). Neither is Mikasa. You need to stop getting hurt on these missions. One of these days, it's going to cost you your life."
You shrugged your shoulders, not really caring about the warning that Sasha was giving you. You knew the risks and you were more than happy to accept them if it meant that Mikasa would be around.
"Thank you for your concern Sasha but I'm fine. I'm still alive, aren't I?"
Sasha wanted to knock some sense into you but she knew there was nothing she could do to help you. You were far too in love with Mikasa to release that your relationship with her wasn't healthy. She used you and you hurt yourself to get her attention.
"Right. I'll go then. I hope you feel better."
X
You should've known that your plan wasn't going to be successful for long. Nothing in your life had ever gone right. During your latest mission, you had gotten injured like always but you hadn't been alone. Eren had managed to hurt himself because he couldn't transform. You held back your tears when Mikasa focused on Eren. She hadn't even glanced at you when they dropped you off with the injured.
"You're going to be okay, (y/n). You've dealt with worse..."
You stopped paying attention to what Sasha was saying, not really caring about anything at that point.
X
You watched Mikasa make her way out of the infirmary to grab something for Eren. During your entire stay, she hadn't even spared you a glance.
"Mikasa?"
Hearing her name, Mikasa stopped walking and turned to face you. You searched her eyes for any kind of emotion but there was nothing.
"What do you want? I'm a little busy."
You gulped, not liking the cold tone she had given you. She was usually kinder to you when you got hurt.
"Could you get the nurse?"
She stared at you for the longest time before she said anything.
"They're a little busy dealing with those that were actually injured. They don't have time to deal with someone that purposely hurt themselves for attention."
"Mikasa, I...."
"You're not my priority right now. Eren is actually injured. You can wait."
She left before you could say anything else.
X
Mikasa's words stung. Every time that you thought about what she had said, you wanted to cry. The only reason why you would get injured was because it was the only time that Mikasa would act like your girlfriend. She wouldn't randomly leave all day and then only return so you could hold her and make her forget about the day.
"....(y/n), I'm sorry about what Mikasa said. She didn't mean that."
You smiled bitterly, laughing at her words. Mikasa meant what she said.
"No. She did mean it. It's clear to me that I'm nothing to her but a tool to help her forget about whatever she wants to forget...."
"(y/n), Mikasa is compli..."
"Don't Sasha. Don't give her excuses. It doesn't even matter anyways, I'm still going to be there for her. I'm still going to help her forget despite how much it pains me. I love her even if she doesn't."
X
Like you expected, the night after Eren was released from the infirmary, Mikasa joined you in bed. Sighing in relief when you held her close to you. You didn't say anything, simply just closed your eyes and fell asleep. This was as far as your relationship was going to go and there was nothing you could do about it. You loved Mikasa too much to break up with her.
