Sanders Sides One-Shots

I'll Be There | Roceit

summary: roman explodes at his partner janus, and invalidates their experience as a trans person. as the week goes on, he realizes what a huge mistake he made, and he realizes he needs to fix it.

word count: 1250

janus is genderfluid in this one, is amab, and only switches from using he/him to she/her in this particular one shot. and roman is trans, he's afab, he's a trans boy :) today was a pretty good day, so i'm a lil happy, excuse me-

tw/cw// sad roman/janus, major transphobia, mention of a per1od, mention of dysphoria (it doesn't play too much of a role here), yelling, fighting, some cussing, angry roman, mention of depression (doesn't play a huge role here), bullying, mentions of private chest area, mentions of some s*xual harassment, plz stay safe!!

~~~~

Roman shut the bedroom door, his angry expression almost immediately dissipating into an anxious one. 'I should not have said that; why did I do that? He was just trying to help.' 

"Roman, honey, are you okay?" Roman was snapped from his thoughts as he looked up at Janus's mom. "Uh, I'm sorry, I have to go now." Roman rushed through the hallway, out the front door. He made sure not to run home, despite how much he wanted to; running would worsen his panicked state, and his binder would surely tighten. 

Janus had been helping Roman slowly transition over the past few months, even sticking up for him around bullies. Janus himself was genderfluid, so he understood how bad dysphoria could get; being around Janus, especially once they'd started dating a few weeks ago, usually made Roman happy and carefree. But Roman had been feeling more irritable lately, 'I might be starting soon.' Roman internally cursed himself.

Whatever the reason for his recently short temper, he found himself, just moments ago, yelling at Janus while Janus sat there and took the crushing words.

"What do you know about anything I'm going through?"

"Well, I won't say I know exactly what's going through your head, but I do experience similar things. I have dysphoria; I get bullied by the astonishing number of transphobes at school-"

"You do not! They bother me more than you; the only time I've seen them pick on you is when you try to "defend" me. Speaking of which, every time you open your mouth, it makes it 10x worse, so thanks a lot. And you don't know what dysphoria feels like. You were born male; you don't have to worry about anything that I do. The worst you deal with is wondering whether to wear a skirt or pants today; you don't understand anything at all. You made everything worse when you told me it was okay to come out and start transitioning. You ruined everything."

"I-I'm sorry."

Roman knew Janus's dysphoria was a lot worse than just deciding what to wear; Roman found himself going to Janus's house some mornings, trying to coax his partner out of bed. The fact that Janus also struggled with depression didn't help anything, 'I should not have said that.'

~~~~

Roman shut his locker, sighing heavily. He glanced to his left; on normal days, Janus would be staring back with a small comforting smile. 'Today is not a normal day.' Roman scanned Janus's clothes, the color usually being an indicator of what pronouns to use. 'Yellow means she/her, green means he/him, blue means they/them, and pink means xe/xem.' Janus rarely ever wore blue or pink; today, she was wearing yellow. 

Her outfit was adorable; she wore a white shirt with yellow sunflowers under a pair of white shortalls that she and Roman had painted flowers on together a month ago. Roman wanted to compliment her, and he wanted to see the smile she'd try to hide and her flustered cheeks. Roman gulped and looked down, 'I screwed that up; I can't take that back.' 

He looked back up to see Janus still looking down as she was before, but now she was surrounded by the guys that normally bother Roman. Said boy strained his ears to hear what they were saying. 

"Your little boyfriend isn't here to protect you now, is he? Is it because he found out what a freak you are?" Janus gripped her backpack straps tighter, still staring at the floor blankly. Roman furrowed his eyebrows; he never really did anything to protect Janus because he didn't think she needed it. 'Was I helping her just by being around her?' Roman hoped that wasn't the case because that would mean his mistake was worse than he thought.

~~~~

All week, Roman was forced to watch as Janus was picked on relentlessly. At one point, someone sexually harassed her, claiming they were "checking under the hood," which made Roman's blood boil. He was ready to kick their ass before a teacher stepped in and scolded the student. 

He'd had enough. It was bad enough being away from Janus, but knowing that this was all his fault, that Janus was suffering because of him, made it worse.

He was on his way to science when he noticed one of the bullies, Richard, bothering Janus. "So, are you wearing a bra under there? I just wanna know because that'd be kind of weird to wear one without having anything there. Like real girls with A cups and stuff, that's a different story; but you literally have nothing, so like, what's the point?" Janus had her head ducked down, trying to get away.

Roman marched over and gently grabbed Janus's arm. "Go wait for me in the lab, okay?" Janus shakily nodded before running off. Roman turned to Richard, luckily being just an inch shorter than him. "Leave her alone. Now. I've been having a stressful week, and I don't feel like adding you to the list of things that make me hate the world."

Richard scoffed. "The other guys might be scared of you, Lesbo, but I'm not. You're just a girl; it would be easy for me to kick your ass. But, lucky for you, I don't hit girls." 'Big mistake.'

~~~~

Now in the nurse's office, Roman rolled his eyes at the principal's lecture. 'I didn't even start it or finish it.' He thought bitterly. The principal, a lady named Mrs. Butters, motioned for Richard to leave the room. "You're coming with me; then I'll have a chat with you." She directed the last part to Roman, who really couldn't care less. 'Just as long as Richard gets what he deserves.'

They left, and Roman pressed the icepack closer to his face. He heard the door open, and he looked up to see Janus softly closing the door. He instantly perked up then deflated when he remembered why they got into this mess in the first place. 

Janus sat down beside the resting bed, Roman still not making eye contact with her. "Are you okay? I mean, I know you're not okay; you got your ass kicked by one of the strongest guys in school. But it's kind of the only question I can ask right now." Roman smiled and nodded his head. "I'm fine. Thanks." 

"Why...um, sorry. Why did you do it? There was no reason for you to help me." Roman sighed. "I helped you because I-" Roman stopped himself. "I care about you. You're my best friend, and I'm not ready to let you go as my partner yet. I couldn't stand seeing you hurt like that; I needed to do something. It was my fault you were stuck in that situation anyway."

"Roman, it wasn't your fault. I purposely didn't let you know how bad it was. But it's all over now. And, if you meant what you said, we can go back to how we were before." She suggested in a questioning tone. Roman looked at her and grinned, trying to hide it as much as possible. "No, not how we were before. I want to be closer to you, and I want to be there for you as much as you're there for me. Please?" Janus giggled and stood up. "Okay, I'll accept, Romano." She pecked him on the cheek before leaving; Roman stared at the door with red cheeks and a bright grin. 'I'm so in love with her.'

~~~~

okay, so today was pretty stressful; there's this assignment i have to do, but i'm not sure if i got a free pass bc i was testing all day today, so i'm going to assume that i got a free pass and, if not well then there goes my gpa :D anywho, hope you all enjoyed, gen fluid janus owns all of the living space in my head, love you all, stay safe, buh bye!

4/13/21