Sanders Sides One-Shots

Sensory Overload | Platonic Loceit

summary: logan's experiencing an overload at a small get together with his friends, janus knows more about what logan is feeling and decides to help him out

word count: 1023

i experience this a lot around my friends and family so i very much based this off of that fhfhdksl hope you enjoy :)

tw/cw// sensory overload, almost panic attack, mention of violence, also that kind of feeling where you feeling like your life isn't your own like you're an observer?? yeah that :))

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Logan knew he should be happy. This was the first time he'd seen his best friends in months, almost a year. He genuinely loved them and loved hanging out with them. This was what he wanted, right?

So, why did he feel so dejected?

He felt like an outsider, despite being part of the friend group before half of the people in here. It started with him and Remus, then Janus joined them in fifth grade, then Virgil in sixth, Patton and Thomas in middle school, then Roman in freshman year (since he had refused to acknowledge his brother's existence until 9th grade). Logan was apart of the group before there was a group at all, so why didn't he feel like he belonged there?

Logan tried to force himself into the moment, but he still couldn't say anything, just keeping a smile on his face. Janus tapped Logan's shoulder gently and gestured to the table, "It's your turn." It warmed Logan that Janus could tell something wasn't right, and was careful as to not overwhelm him. But it frustrated him at the same time, 'I'm not a child, I can tell.' Why was he thinking this? How could he be relieved and annoyed with Janus's actions all at the same time?

Logan placed a card down and tried to listen to the conversation. Suddenly, the feeling of his shirt around his body made him uncomfortable. He tugged at his shirt and adjusted his sitting position slightly. The room was too hot, Logan almost wanted to storm out of the room because of how hot it was. He scratched his hand nervously, trying not to make a scene. Janus was sitting next to him on the couch, as there were only so many seats for their group of seven, but now he felt too close. Logan felt like he was sinking into the couch, there was no room for anything.

Logan was never a violent person, it was pointless to him. But at that moment, he wanted so badly to punch Virgil if he kept acting like every little thing was below him.

'Where did that come from?' Logan thought, focusing on keeping his face either blank or in a smile.

Everything was too much. The way Patton kept shutting down the conversation just because he himself wasn't comfortable, Roman constantly insulting everyone and playing it off as a joke, Remus bringing up something completely unrelated every five seconds, Logan felt terrible. It all bubbled inside of him, the room felt 20 degrees hotter, he was suddenly super self-conscious about how he looked, even though most of his body was covered by a huge pillow.

Logan felt like this a lot, usually around his family on Sundays. He didn't know what it was, what triggered it, and why Sundays specifically. He settled on the conclusion, years ago, that it was just because he had to listen to his parents talk about their beliefs all day on Sundays. But he hadn't seen his parents since ten that morning, it was now two p.m., and it was Saturday.

'Why now?'

~~~~

Janus noticed everyone was swept up in conversation and didn't notice that Logan hadn't gone yet. He turned to tap Logan's shoulder but stopped himself when he saw the state his best friend was in.

Logan's face was flushed, expression blank despite his eyes glaring daggers at the ground. His hands were clenching the pillow in his lap and his breathing was a little shallow. Janus stood up and cleared his throat. "I'll go get everyone some sodas. Lo, can you help me?" Logan nodded and stood up, almost seeming as if nothing was wrong, that scared Janus.

Janus walked out of the room and into the backyard with Logan in tow. He closed the door and leaned against it, not saying anything. Logan furrowed his eyebrows and looked around before turning back to Janus with concern, "Are you feeling well? Did you need to leave because you were getting overwhelmed?"

"No, you were getting overwhelmed. Trust me, I've had enough attacks to know what they look like." Logan frowned, "I wasn't having an attack. I don't have anxiety, Jan, you know that." Janus resisted the urge to roll his eyes, knowing Logan was much less in tune with his emotions and mental health than the rest of them.

"You don't need to have anxiety to have a panic attack." Logan's hands were shaking slightly but other than that he looked a lot more relaxed. "I do feel better out here." Janus nodded and sat down at the bench against the wall, Logan following after him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Logan seemed to be debating the idea in his head. "Do you know a lot about...mental stuff?" Logan spoke slowly and quietly. "I know a fair amount but I wouldn't say I know everything." Logan nodded, still not making eye contact.

"Sometimes I just get really annoyed with every little thing. Like small noises or the way something looks or feels. Smells will make me feel super sick even though they never usually bother me. All of it just puts me in a bad mood and I start thinking things that scare me so I end up crying and it's really upsetting and it usually only happens around my family." Janus's eyes widened, the amount of information dumped on him mixed with how fast Logan spoke was almost too much.

But he tried his best to decipher through the mess of words, "Well, it sounds a lot like sensory overload." Logan didn't say anything, Janus knew he was confused as to what that meant. "Sensory overload is when your brain is trying to choose what sensation to focus on and all your senses get heightened. It can make you feel overwhelmed or, in your case, irritable. You just need to get somewhere where you can relax and calm down, where there isn't too much happening."

Logan nodded and leaned his head on Janus's shoulder, eyes slipping closed and breathing evening out. Janus smiled and softly ran a hand through Logan's hair.

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do you ever wish things would happen but once it even gets close to it happening you chicken out? no? just me? okay, that's cool :)) anywho, school has been stressful but i hope you enjoyed, love you all, stay safe, buh bye!!

12/1/20