Somewhere, Someday

6

"But the monsters turned out to be just trees. When the sun came up, you were looking at me." 

Harry and I sit outside, our bodies leaning against his car as we blow out smoke. I'm happy that the car is parked farther away from the house, the silence relaxing and reassuring me.

This is the first time I've ever been alone with Harry, and part of me wants to take the opportunity and make the best of it. I want to ask him a million things about himself, but I'm still unsure if Harry will completely blow up over it.

Instead of trying to occupy our time with conversation, I just close my eyes for a moment, my head resting against the car. My whole entire body feels tired, and part of me is wondering how I haven't collapsed from exhaustion yet. I guess adrenaline is keeping me going.

I don't exactly know where I'm going from here, or if I should even leave here. I could try college, try applying and getting a degree. Then again, I'm already twenty-one, the prime years of school have already passed me by. Without a degree I can't get far, I'd be doomed to a life of working at jobs that will never make ends meet.

"What are you thinking about?" Harry breaks the silence. I open my eyes and look over at him, the cigarette between his lips. The lights from the house shine down on him, illuminating his features in the dark. I almost take an extra minute to just examine his features, to just look at what I've been missing and disregarding.

"Stupid shit about life and how it sucks," I drop my cigarette bud onto the floor and step on it, the light extinguishing. 

"Always fond of that topic," Harry mumbles before taking the last drag of his cigarette. I chuckle to myself, wondering what I could say next to Harry that still constitutes as a safe zone for him and me. 

"If I ask you to tell me a little fact--like so minuscule that it doesn't even matter--would you?" Harry looks over at me, a smirk on his face. I just now see his dimples in the light, how they crater into his cheeks when he truly smiles.

"I wear black Calvin Klein boxers only," I struggle to keep in a laugh, the smile on my face wide now. "Want another?" He asks, his voice sounding like syrup as he talks slowly. I nod my head, ready to hear another one of his ridiculous facts.

"I don't like it when people ask me what I'm thinking about. Nobody needs to know the way around my thoughts but me." This time, Harry's fact is actually well thought out and serious. I take it as a hint to never ask him what goes on in his mind, to never try and pry.

"Well, I think I'm going to head back in. Coming?" I think about it for a moment, wondering if I should go back into the chaos with Harry, or stay out here in the silence alone. I doubt anyone will come up to me out here anyway.

"I think I'm going to stay out here for a little while longer," Harry shoots me a quick smile before turning around and walking back towards the house. I'm left alone in the silence again, left alone to think about my next step.

My mind begins to whirl with thoughts immediately, most of them random while some of them about home. I can't seem to shake Kristina and I's last conversation from my mind. Harry had seen me cry over it, and now he probably thinks I'm incapable of taking care of myself. These guys are just babysitters, people that feel bad for me and merely want to try and help me in my helpless situation.

The truth is, these guys can be nice and open to the idea of me hanging around them, but in the end, we all know this is just a pitstop. I can't stay here forever, partying with a bunch of guys in college. They're getting their lives together, while I'm just sitting back and watching, envious of them.