Somewhere, Someday

84

Song for the chapter: Breakeven by The Script

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"What am I supposed to do, when the best part of me was always you? What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay? I'm falling to pieces, cause when a heart breaks, it doesn't breakeven."

"You guys are going to the wedding together?!" Clair jumps up from her seat on the bed, when I tell her about going to the wedding with Harry. I knew she'd get excited, but I didn't want it to mean anything. We were going as friends, that's all

"Yes, Clair as friends. I just wanted to show him how much fun a wedding could be with the right company." I was trying to make it sound so simple, as if spending a whole evening with Harry at an event meant to celebrate love, was nothing. In reality, my heart was beating out of my chest, excited for the week to come.

Clair gets up from the bed, walking over to me. "You just look happy, which means the world can finally spin round." I laughed at Clair's comment. She knew that the world didn't revolve around me, right? My mood didn't change the weather or others attitudes.

"Harry and I are just friends, nothing more, nothing less." As I was trying to convince Clair, it felt as if I was always trying to convince myself that he doesn't love me anymore. But then Harry goes and does something like buying me that dress, making me want to be with him all over again.

I'd take the pain, if it meant we could live a life of complete and total love together. But I know that Harry wouldn't risk hurting me anymore, even if hurting me meant that he had me. It's obvious I don't know how breakups work, since I've never been in a serious, all consuming, relationship until now, but shouldn't I be staying away from him instead of being with him all the time.

"You guys will be together again, someday it'll happen." Clair goes back to her bed, picking up her book and reading it again. It was about seven, and I still hadn't even eaten dinner yet.

I think of the idea of Clair maybe wanting to get food, maybe we could get dinner. "Have you eaten dinner yet?" Clair nods her head in response, giving me a 'sorry' look. I grab my phone, scrolling through my contacts to see who might be free.

I know I could just get food alone, but what fun would that be? My thumb hovers over Harry's name when I scroll to it. I couldn't call Harry and ask him to get dinner with me, not when I just saw him at his apartment.

Why did I get nervous whenever I was around Harry or just simply thinking of him. His presence was enough to stop my train of thought, making me look completely lost and under his control. He could walk into a room, full of people, and they'd all stop and stare. At least I knew the women would.

It's hard sometimes to realize just how many women Harry has slept with, in desperate search of a connection with someone. I wasn't jealous when thinking about the number anymore, but instead I felt sorrow. Sorrow for the boy that had just wanted to be healed by someone's touch.

I've seen a big part of his past, yet I still feel as though I know nothing about him or who he totally was. I wish he would've to.d me about young Harry, the one that rode his bike in the London sun, or drew drawings with chalk on the sidewalks, just to have them be washed away by rain the next day.

With him having been an innocent child at once, he must've remembered some childhood memories or afternoon activities he had loved to do. Maybe he liked running around the yard or he had liked putting on shows. Whatever Harry did when he was young and innocent, I'd never know, and I'd never ask him.