Somewhere, Someday

89

Song of the chapter: All I Want by Kodaline

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"When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside. I lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you by my side. But if you loved me, why'd you leave me?"

The weekend had come to an end all too soon, Monday approaching me much quicker than I had wanted. I have classes all day, then work until the evening. This was the last few weeks before fall break for Thanksgiving. I'd probably drive home, all the way back to Kristina's house.

Harry and I haven't spoken since yesterday during breakfast. I'd be seeing him in my first class today, hopefully it won't be awkward. Clair and I have decided to walk to class together this morning, considering it was so beautiful outside.

The leaves had all fallen from the trees, making the ground look like a painting, splashed with yellow, red, and orange paints. Halloween was this upcoming weekend, and I still didn't have a costume to wear or anywhere to go.

Clair was going to the frat party, but there was no way in hell I'd be doing that again anytime soon. I'd probably just watch movies in my dorm room and eat junk food along with it. I had nobody to impress this Halloween anyways.

Clair had picked out a sexy costume, as she said just for Louis. She wouldn't show me it yet, but I'm guessing it's either a nurses outfit or some sort of cat woman. When I used to spend Halloween with Kristina we used to count how many girls were dressed in revealing skirts. Surprisingly, Kristina and I weren't the type to participate in Halloween.

Flyers were hung up all over campus, for parties and costume contests that no one was really attending. I'm pretty sure people can assume that everyone would be attending a he frat party to get drunk and party.

"I'm so excited for this weekend!" Clair claps her hands and jumps. I laugh at her childlike excitement. It makes sense for Clair to be excited, she'd be going to a party with her amazing boyfriend.

"Will you tell me what your costume is yet?" Clair places her finger over her lips, shushing me. "I'm going to guess that means no." Clair nods, looking extremely proud of herself for keeping it a secret.

"At least tell me if you and Louis are going in couple costumes." The thought of them in couples costumes nearly has me laughing. Louis doesn't seem like the type, but I bet if Clair had wanted to he would've jumped at the idea.

"It's a very subtle couples costume, trust me you'll love it." Clair's smile was bright, radiating the immense happiness she was feeling. I wish I could've felt as excited as Clair.

Harry hasn't tried texting or calling me after yesterday. Maybe that's a good thing because now I can't slip up and say what I've been wanting to. As Clair said it was a bad idea, because what if I didn't really mean anything I was saying. I didn't want to hurt Harry anymore, or even give him false hopes. Truthfully, I didn't know if Harry wanted to even get back together at this point. We've been through so much, that it makes me wonder if it's even worth it anymore.

I step on leaves, distracting my mind from the pressing question. Did I want to date Harry again? It's undeniable that we have a connection, but I just can't tell how deep the connection is yet. We dated for probably a month and it wasn't even a completely steady relationship. We fought and fought, time after another, just making the same stupid mistakes. But then again, that's just who we are. We fight and we talk it out, we don't keep it locked inside, waiting for the anger to burst. Maybe someday we could find love, but it just isn't now for Harry and I.