Phil's P.O.V
I couldn't stop chewing my lip, I didn't even stop when I tasted the familiar taste of metal and steel against my tongue, blood.
What harm could a little blood do? Nothing compared to what Mr. Howell could do to me... If he found out, I liked Dan.
Or if he took Dan away from me, who else did I really have? Apart from Dan? Chris and PJ. I'd been lingering on the subject since my dad called a few days ago.
I had a few others... Carrie, Louise, I still speak to a few friends from college, Alex in particular, he was my considered 'best friend' along with a fellow youtuber called Charlie, before I'd met Dan, Alex had messaged me yesterday, asking if I'd wanted to meet, maybe now would be the time to reply.
It'd been a while since I'd seem him, maybe I could meet him some time next week? I'd hate to seem to eager.
'Alex, Hello, I can meet you, Saturday, 1ish?' I sent it and tossed my phone onto the couch beside me.
"No, that's fine!" I heard Dan go on, he'd been on the phone to his dad for around an hour now, they were on the phone quite often since Dan got back. I could hear him pacing through the thin walls of our apartment.
My phone buzzed softly.
'Sounds cool, seeya soon :3'
I didn't need to reply at this point, I'd catch up with him on Saturday.
I heard Dan sigh and put the phone on catch.
He came into the front room and sat beside me, cuddling into my waist. He does that a lot lately, constantly making physical contact and flirting with me, however he can. Pulling me close and running his fingers through my hair, kissing my cheek before bed, making flirtatious comments all the time, for example, this morning, I'd gotten out of the shower and he came out of his room just at the moment I'd walked out of the bathroom. He smirked and walked close to me, his face nearing to mine, before he whispered, 'let me join you next time?' He then winked and walked down towards the kitchen, when I'd asked him about it, he said it was harmless flirting, just a bit of fun to get me flustered.
I didn't find it fun.
If this is a game, I'll play back. Just you wait until the balls in my court. I can flirt, just you wait, I'll break your heart too!
I glanced back over at Dan, admiring him, everything, all of him, his eyes were slightly red? Had he been crying? He sighed softly and sniffed, before turning to me smiling like an idiot.
"Hey" he said.
"Hi" I mumbled, not wanting to speak to him, knowing he'd be all over me in a second, kissing me, wanting me. But all the while, he was emotionless, whenever he kissed me, I felt sparks and fireworks, but he stood there, holding onto me, with dead eyes. No emotion, sure he'd smile and laugh about the flirting but his eyes were dark and guilty. I needed some space.
"I'm going for a walk" I said, standing up abruptly.
I felt Dan grab my wrist suddenly, a look of panic on his face. For a moment, it was like he was really here, in the room, but after a moment, something came over him, he smirked and stood up to my level, pulling me close.
"Don't" I said standing up to him.
He looked up at me, pleadingly, why?
Why was he doing this to me?
He pulled me in and connected our lips.
That's it.
I pressed my hands against his chest, pushing him up against the wall, crashing my lips onto his, hungrily and needily.
His hands moved up and down my back, our tongues gliding against each others.
I pulled away, breathless, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Giving him a firm look.
"I said, don't" I spat, before turning towards the door and grabbing my coat off the pegs and slipping it on. Swinging open the door, and letting it slam behind me, I collapsed in a heap outside the door, crying and blubbering like a little kid.
"I love you Dan Howell, you heartless bastard" I sniffed.
I hated that, the fact I still loved him, even after 5 years. I miss him. The real him. Because I don't know what's going on, but that's not my Dan in there.
