A/N ok ok ok OKAY. if you follow my instagram you've probably seen my endless posts about this but on the fifth, I MET DAN AND PHIL AT THEIR TOUR! It was so amazing, they signed my book and we took selfies and I'm so happy guys oh my god. Anyway sorry I just wanted to get it out! Here's your chapter!!
Phil's P.O.V
I can't do it anymore, I sat on my bed trembling, I can't control my knees or my hands. I know Alex is drunk but... Dan stood up for me.
It's been so long now.
I love Dan! No I don't! I'll try not to....
Like some whiney teen with a crush.
With Dan I'll never win. I can't go through the same thing with him again and again. The feelings will always be there I'll just repress them when I need to.
But it hurts. Seeing him all day and knowing that he's not feeling the way I do about him and just wanting so bad for him to know and to want the same thing I do. How can you even tell a person that? After knowing them for so long.
Now he's out there and I can barely move. It's so cold. Everywhere is cold.
Alex has embarrassed me completely in front of Dan and I'm furious. Dan probably thinks I'm such a pushover and that I let people walk all over me! It's not like that. I was scared... I tried to push him away. I really tried.
But Dan was there to save me, and I don't think I can have him fighting everything for me. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe there's a point where two grown men can't live together anymore and maybe... I can't do any of this anymore.
But right now I had to put on my brave face and go out to the party. I want everyone to have a good time.
I stood up off my bed shakily and walked out of my room, the world seemed louder and busier and I walked out to the party. Searching for signs of Dan or Alex.
Dan's P.O.V
"I love him, you know?" I eventually said, after a long while of silence.
Alex turned to me, raising his eyebrows.
"Well, duh" he said simply.
"That obvious huh?"
"Not to Phil, but you're pretty transparent Dan"
"I just... Don't know what I'd do without him and, you're trying to take him from me" I sighed.
"I love him too" Alex said angrily.
"Well. Duh" I mocked.
He rolled his eyes irritably.
"You know you're problem Dan? You don't take risks. Phil doesn't even know you love him and you'll probably never tell him. Because what? You're afraid?? I did it and Phil's chill with me. It's just too much of a risk huh pretty boy?"
"That's not-"
The door swung open and Phil stood in the doorway.
"Hey Dan I was looking for you!" He said breathlessly, those damn stairs. He smiled brightly and I stood up straight to meet him.
"Oh! Here I am" I chuckled.
"Look- I'm really sorry I pushed you away, but I just needed some thinking space". He said nervously.
"Honestly Phil I'm sorry I got in your way! I'll try and be more respectful of your privacy" I nodded.
"Let's just go back upstairs-"
My heart jumped at the sudden thought of taking a risk.
"Wait!" I snapped hurriedly.
Phil spun round looking puzzled.
"I need to... Talk to you about something first" I said looking down at my feet.
"Oh! Sure, Alex can you go upstairs? Dan wants this to be private I assume" he asked softly, god he was sweet.
"You bet your ass he does!" He giggled loudly.
It's official, drunk Alex is the most annoying thing in the world.
He skipped off up the stairs and I secretly hoped he would fall over on his way.
Phil turned to me and sighed, rolling his eyes.
"He's annoying, huh?" He asked shyly.
I nodded, smiling down at him.
"So what's up?" He asked, looking me in the eyes patiently.
My heartbeat quickened at the sudden thought that Phil was actually waiting for me to confess to him... What the hell have I dug myself into?
"I- I" I choked and fumbled with my words and stood there as Phil gave me a concerned look.
"For a while now? Maybe yeah. Um- I sort of? Kinda, maybe had little feelings for... You?" I stuttered.
I wanted to die, to strap myself to a car wheel and let the driver run me over again and again and again.
"What?" Phil coughed, his eyes were wide and he looked paler than usual which really is something.
"I guess I sort of, like you? Or whatever and I'm sorry I told you like this? But Alex was saying all these things and-"
"Oh my god". He whispered.
"You're lying".
"No? Phil I'm not" I sighed. Oh god this was the worst!
"What the fuck is this? Why are you messing with me again?" He cried, he looked completely helpless and angry all at once.
I can't believe I actually told him... This is even worse than I could've imagined. Part of me expected to wake up in my bed and for this all to be a dream. But I wasn't waking up!
"Phil I can't help it really-"
"Stop it!" He said stepping back confused.
"Phil calm down okay?"
"No! Get away from me you liar! I'm not taking this from you!"
"What do you want me to do Phil? Move out? Because of a minor set back because of some feelings? Is that what you want?" I joked harshly.
"I- I... Don't know". He said quietly.
It then hit me that Phil was actually considering the thought of me leaving.
"Maybe... This has gone on enough.. The lies.. The games, the fear of each other. We can't stay this way forever right?" He laughed bitterly.
"So... That's it then? I'll pack my things and leave?" I questioned, he couldn't be serious.
"Or I'll leave, whichever... Feels best for you".
I wanted to scream and cry and cling to him like a little child and hold on until he promised not to leave. I wanted to kiss him and tell him I was so in love with him that I couldn't stay in this empty apartment alone.
But I stood there. Thinking over and over. How did I screw this up so bad?
"No... You're older... It's harder for you to move back in with your parents. I sh-should... Move out". My stomach churned messily and I thought I was going to throw up for a while.
"Dan.. Take all the time you need though I mean-"
"Like you said it's gone on long enough right?" I whispered.
I realized then that my cheeks were wet and I fell apart completely, crying heavily into my sweater sleeves.
"Dan?!" Phil gasped wrapping his arms around me for comfort.
I choked back as many tears as I could but that didn't stop my fragile body from whimpering like a baby and sobbing uncontrollably.
"Shit" He breathed uneasily.
I got angry, I'm not sure how it sparked but I was angry.. At myself.. At Alex. I clenched my fist tightly and punched the solid wall beside me ad hard as I could. The pain pulsated through my hand and I cried even harder.
"You know what? I'll be gone by tomorrow. I'll call home... And get a train" I spat furiously.
"Dan you don't need to leave so soo-"
"Stop it Phil! The nice act! It's sickening! I'll be happy to get away from you and Alex and your twisted little relationship!" I said angrily.
I didn't mean it... I knew I didn't but I was so... Angry.
"Relationship? That we staged so I could get over you! You're a real asshole Dan, you know that?" He said, his voice rising until he was almost yelling.
"I can't believe I fell in love with you! Huh, guess I really am the idiot". I said simply.
"What?" He said, staring up at me.
I leaned forwards taking that final moment of weakness and kissed him gently only for a few seconds before pulling away slowly.
"Dan..." He said after I turned to the door.
I looked back. "Yeah?"
"I'll miss you" He said quietly, looking down the the floor.
"I'll miss you. But we are a mess now Phil. This whole thing... It's a mess".
I opened the door and walked back up to the party leaving Phil behind me.
Well...
A/N
The End.....
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I'm kidding omg <3
More plot coming soon!! Don't hate meeeeee I have this planned out I swear!
Also if you don't want tatinof Spoliers don't read on-----
Ok so at the end of their song at the very end of the show, Dan and Phil pose back to back with their faces facing each other and as they were singing the last note
Their faces this close → D--P
Dan was staring into Phil's eyes and then he just flicked it eye down to his lips for like 2 seconds before they moved apart and OMG WE ACTUALLY SAW IT OMG
