Dan's P.O.V
Do you know what it feels like to be lonely? I do. I can't sleep... The simplest things like... Food, have no taste.
I'm alone. All the damn time. It's funny really, fall in love, like in the movies, right? But no, we fought and struggled and cried. Now I'm here, sleeping in my childhood bedroom, living off my parents, back to square one.
What time is it now? 2am. That's right, it doesn't matter too much, what do I have to wake up to? My sheets were warm and comforting but lonely.
Phil.
Phil.
Phil.
Japan was in three days, what the hell happened? I couldn't go without Phil, it'd kill him... It'd kill me.
I really wanted to go though, I sighed and checked the time again.
2:11am.
I wanted to sleep and every time I closed my eyes, it just felt wrong and uncomfortable, I remember kissing Phil, and knowing I'd never kissed him properly.
Either forced or rushed, or drunk.
I laughed to myself, how selfish. Some people would kill to kiss the person they love and I'm just angry and frustrated that I haven't been able to sink into his warmth with passion.
It's not fair.
Every day is so boring and dull, I want Phil to walk into the room with one of his dumb questions.
Hey Dan what do you call a fly without wings?
Dan would you rather give up tumblr or twitter?
What do you think chocolate pizza would taste like Dan?
A walk.
Kill me.
Depends what the chocolate is.
I regret making fun of his stupid questions. Or his dumbass facts. I grinned to myself.
Did you know Hippopotamus milk is pink?
I do now.
I mocked in my head.
I loved him though. Too much.
I could end up not speaking to him for the next ten years and still as soon as I see a picture of him, melt. Every feeling will hit me and I'll never really be over him. Dammit Phil.
My phone buzzed loudly and my heart jumped out of my chest, disrupting the peace.
I grabbed it in a panic at squinted my eyes to look down at the screen.
Phil.
You've got to be be kidding.
2:30am.
I answered it hurriedly, and listened out for Phil's voice.
"Dan?" He sounded tired.
I sat up and crossed my legs, fumbling for words for a second.
"Phil?" I said, though it came out dry and scratchy.
"Oh good I was scared you weren't awake" He said quietly.
"Well... I am" I replied, chewing my lip.
"Oh-oh good".
"Why did you call, Phil?" I asked nervously.
"I miss you". He said simply.
My stomach fluttered and I closed my eyes tightly, why?
"What...?"
"I don't like how we left things, I know it was all emotional... And that's why you- Kissed me, but I just wanted to call and talk... So we wouldn't just, lose touch".
He was being so open and serious, it was weird to hear him like this.
"I know". I sighed.
"Dan, I know you don't love me. You don't need to worry". He said after a minute.
I felt my heart sink, how could he say that?
"Right" I whispered. That was all I could manage.
"So, maybe in a month or two... When this has died down we can meet up and start over-"
"I don't know... Probably not a great idea to go down that road again".
"Dan-"
"No, Phil look... I love you. I fucked you around and I'm sorry for that, I had stuff going on with my dad. I didn't want to be gay Phil. But seeing you with Alex... I knew I was. I knew it was because of you. I love you and I can't be just friends again".
"Dan..." He didn't finish and the line went quiet.
"I'm sorry". I whispered.
"Me too..." He mumbled.
"You should get some sleep" I said, smiling sadly to myself, I guess this was goodbye.
"Oh... Yeah it's late"
"Yeah" I chuckled.
"Bye Dan, I'll... See you around?" He asked softly.
"Of course".
I heard him sigh to himself and a few seconds passed, before the familiar ringing came, and I knew he was gone.
My head hurt and I lay back down, closing my eyes.
Phil.
Phil.
Phil.
Shut up.
