Dan's P.O.V
I tucked my knees to my chest and flicked aimlessly through the channels, nothing decent was on TV.
"Oh go back, record pointless for mum". Adam said hurriedly.
I did as he said and tossed him the remote.
"You pick".
"Come on Dan, something must've caught your eye" He whined, he was trying, they all were, I'd been here 6 hours and they were all constantly on egg shells around me, offering me things, using low hushed voices. It was irritating but I didn't snap because I knew it was all for my sake.
I missed Phil, I missed his smell, his eyes, his hair, his laugh, his voice, his smile, his humour. I missed him so much, I felt my heart psychically aching to see him, we were supposed to fly out to Japan in 4 days, spend time alone together in a gorgeous place with a gorgeous person.
I shook my head irritably, stop it.
"Just put something on Adam" I sighed.
"I'm sorry, Dan, I know this is shit, I know you miss Phil, home is nothing when you're missing someone". He sighed.
I sighed loudly, pushing my fringe out of my face and turning to smile at him.
"I'll be okay" I nodded, ruffling his hair playfully.
He smiled, "I damn hope so".
I laughed and it was quiet for a minute before he turned to me shyly again.
"It's nice having you around again though, everyone seems at ease".
"Don't think I haven't missed you Adam, I have, it's just hard coming back here since-"
"I know, I understand" He said truthfully. It was quiet again for a moment and I felt the awkwardness seep in.
"Now put on some damn TV" I joked to clear the mood, and he grinned back, flicking through more endless channels.
I switched my attention to my phone, and checked Phil's twitter, he hasn't put anything up since I've left.
Curiosity got the better and I went over to Alex's twitter, I saw one new tweet from 10 minutes ago.
'What's this loser doing? ;)'
I think straight away I knew even before I saw the picture it was Phil. Lying on ou- his couch on his laptop, with his glasses on, biting his lip in concentration.
I missed that. When we'd edit together, we'd either Skype from other rooms or sit on opposite ends of the couch, and every now and then Phil would get really bored and kick at my feet a little, until it reached a full blown battle.
Yeah, I missed that.
I decided not to say anything or favorite it, it's not a good idea, I'm sure Phil wants nothing to do with me, I'm surprised he's still with Alex though, after last night.
Holy shit was it really only last night? Christ. It feels like centuries could have passed.
I stood up and walked off out of the lounge into the kitchen, deciding to make some tea. Maybe it'll take my mind off things.
"Hey, Honey" My mum called from the kitchen table.
I look up and sent an approving nod her way.
The kettle started it's loud boil and I raised my voice to my mum.
"Tea?" I called.
"No, I've actually just made one for myself, your dad is in the garage by the way, if you need him".
"I don't need him" I said coldly.
She sent me a sharp look before returning her attention to the paper.
I rolled my eyes as she looked away and poured the tea, why does she expect me to be so quick to speak to him? I haven't seen anything of him the whole time I've been back, not even a 'hello'.
Why bother? I let out a small grunt to myself and walked sulkily to the fridge, grabbing the milk.
"Heard much of Phil?" My mum spoke up again.
"No?" I said bluntly, why would she even ask?
"Okay, just thought he might have checked in, he's with his friend at the moment though" she said turning over the page she was on.
"Stop going on Twitter" I sighed, frustrated.
"I will if you will" she chuckled.
She had the Howell sass in her and sometimes I forgot that.
"Right" I groaned, I poured the milk into the mug and added sugar, I wonder why Alex was there anyway? Maybe he's taking my room? Maybe he's tricked Phil into letting him live there now? That son of a bitch I'll-
But I stopped thinking for a moment and paused... I'll what? What can I do? I'll probably never see the two of them ever again. So what could I do? Nothing.
And it hit me how empty I now was, how empty I am, how empty my sad little life is, how empty my thoughts are... Without Phil.
What's the point? I'll just go on like this, never bothering to make videos, never bothering to move out, never bothering to make anything of myself and then again something hit me, Phil was the only thing that gave me drive. He pushed my abilities and I was happy! And I loved him, oh my god. And now? I'm just Dan.
Dan 'get out of bed its been three days' Howell.
Dan 'remember when you tried?' Howell.
Dan 'remember when you cared?' Howell.
Just Dan, just me. A human without a heart. Phil was all I really had and if I'd have known I could've lost it, I wouldn't have wasted any time.
