He Makes Me Happy (Shyan Fanfic)

Anxious

As soon as they stepped into the office, Shane noticed a shift in Ryan's demeanor. He kept looking over his shoulder and talking much quieter than normal. Shane chalked it up to nerves because they were filming later in the day but he kept his eye on him. It didn't seem like the best time to bring it up anyway. 

They had given Shane a desk right next to a huge window. Although he appreciated the view, he wished it was closer to Ryan. If he looked over the heads of everyone else at the office he could get a glimpse of Ryan but other than that they didn't see much of each other. It wasn't the worst thing though, because Shane now had more time to work on editing. He figured since he was going to be staying here a while, he would learn how to help Ryan with the videos. 

Finally, they went on a lunch break and Shane excitedly made a beeline for Ryan's desk. It had only been a few hours but he still found himself smiling from ear to ear at the chance to be near Ryan again. 

"Hey there" Shane said, surprising Ryan. Shane smiled warmly as he saw Ryan's shocked expression and stepped closer. Ryan looked around the office feeling like everyone's eyes were on them. Shane stopped right before he moved to kiss Ryan, wondering what was making him so anxious. 

"Let's go" Ryan said, getting up from his chair and moving quickly past Shane. He continued to check to see who was watching even though it seemed like no one in the office was particularly interested. Shane followed, confused and slightly hurt. He kept wondering why Ryan's attitude towards him had changed so suddenly. Did he do something wrong? Now he was running over what possibly could've happened that would make Ryan suddenly.. embarrassed of him.

Once they stepped outside, Ryan took a breath of relief. No one else was out there, he made sure to check. There was a light breeze drifting through the air but he couldn't take any joy in the comfortable setting. He kept dodging Shane's gaze and trying to play it off. Shanes worry continued to grow. 

"Did I do something wrong?" Shane asked as Ryan was stilled adverting his gaze. He fixated his eyes on the sidewalk as they walked to the car. 

"What? No, of course not" Shane let go a breath he didn't know he was holding when Ryan said that. It was a difficult thing to explain and Ryan wasn't sure how to put it into words. 

"Well is there something else wrong?" Shane prompted. Ryan was still absentmindedly biting his lip. 

"I-" Ryan began but cut himself off with an exasperated sigh. "I don't know how to put this" he felt defeated. There had already been so many obstacles in their relationship and Ryan didn't want to be difficult by adding more problems. 

The unsatisfactory answer only confused Shane further. They got into the car and the thick silence continued. Ryan stared intently at the steering wheel while trying to articulate what he wanted to tell Shane. 

"It's alright, whatever it is" Shane assured Ryan, placing his hand on top of his. 

"Maybe we shouldn't tell people about... us yet" Ryan confessed, finally looking Shane in the eyes. He felt guilty but there was so much more to it. The risk was just too great to take the chance. It was too soon. 

"What? Why not?" he took his hand off Ryans quickly. This didn't make any sense, things were going so well. Was Ryan not as excited about this as Shane was? Had he been interpreting this whole thing wrong? Come to think of it, this whole thing was Ryan's idea. Sure, it was one Shane gladly went along with, but Ryan brought it up in the first place.

"I don't know, it's just... I don't know" Ryan fumbled his way through an explanation but nothing came. He didn't expect Shane's tone to be so harsh. It caught him off guard which threw the whole conversation off course. 

"If we went too fast for you that's fine, I just wish you would've told me befo-" Shane's voice seemed emotionless but beneath the surface, he was barely keeping it together. Once again something so amazing was in his grasp, but it was slipping away before his eyes.

"Shane I don't want to tell people I'm bisexual" Ryan said, pushing each word out with urgency. The issue wasn't with their relationship, it was with him. He sat back in his seat, wishing he had the guts to be out. It wasn't time yet, he wasn't ready. No matter how badly he wanted to be. 

There it was again. That goddamn guilt.

"Oh" Shane responded after a second. He hadn't considered that possibility. For basically his entire life, Shane had been 'out'. Ever since he knew he had no problem telling people. He really didn't think about the fact it might not be the same for Ryan. 

"Sorry, Ry, I didn't think about that" Shane admitted sheepishly. he felt like such an asshole, but it was deserved. 

"I know you didn't" Ryan started driving down the road with no idea where they were going.  

They were silent for a few minutes. It wasn't exactly an angry/tense silence but a mutually agreed silence. Shane didn't know what to say, and Ryan didn't want to hear it. They were each in their own self-pitying worlds. 

Ryan pulled into a small fast food restaurant and got out without saying anything. Shane followed close behind. He wanted to reach out to Ryan, to give something more than a shitty apology, but he couldn't think of anything to say. 

"Do you wanna talk about it..?" Shane asked as they waited their turn in line. He couldn't get a read on Ryan's face because he kept turning away. 

"Is there anything to say?" he sighed. He didn't like being so cold towards Shane but his pettiness was getting of the way of thinking clearly. To keep from thinking about it too much, he stared up at the menu. 

"It feels like you want to talk about it" Before they could discuss it, or rather avoid discussing it, they were up next to order food. 

--------Back in the car--------

"I'm really mad about the coming out thing" Ryan kept his eyes firmly on the road. "It was that you were so ready to end it. To end this" 

Shane laughed. He laughed? 

"That's what it was about? Jesus, Ry, your really gonna make me say it?" he still had that signature smiled plastered across his face. He was so carefree somehow. "What we have is really great. It- god this is going to sound corny, but it seems too good to be true. I keep expecting to wake up, but I haven't yet" Shane was turned toward the window, obviously trying to hide his face. 

Ryan wasn't so shameful, he was grinning ear to ear. It was corny, but it was so perfect. 

"Awwww" Ryan said as he pulled into the parking spot back at work. 

Shane bashfully turned back to face Ryan, still feeling unsure on where they stood. 

"We just had our first fight" Ryan said, his entire body now facing Shane. It all seemed so pointless now, like school children bickering over a toy. He was happy this happened though. It showed that they could actually talk to each other. They both made mistakes.

Shane scrunched up his nose. "Do we have to call it that?" they laughed with each other. 

"I'm sorry" They both said at the same time, sending them into another fit of laughter. God, why were they ever mad at each other?