Courtly Love II

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Courtly Love II



It's a weird adoration, a feeling that it seems right to be with him. It's illogical and stupid yet she can't stop it, it seems unstoppable because she didn't stop herself before, walking closer towards him. It seems like she made her own trap or maybe every moment that they were together, a string of web appears before them binding her to him. It feels like an impossible escape, like she was inside a spider's web and each time she move, the web wrapped her tighter if that even made any sense.

Last night is something despite knowing that it was a stupid thing to do, she didn't regret it. She felt a fluttery feeling inside of her, like it just felt so right and at that moment she really know what she felt. Her mother told her that if you willingly give yourself to someone, without force or anything else but only happiness while those were occuring, it's considered as love.

She love him and it's so crazy. To fell for him, to fell for someone she swore she will end. She swear she will kill him before and fled away, yet right now she felt like she want to be with him, to help him achieved his goal in life. To know the person who killed his grandmother and she want to know why they were used to made him believed it was them who did it.

She could only assume that whoever did that hates them. She could hear Hitch and Gabi talking to themselves about something sweet that they will try to make this afternoon.

"Good Morning Master Eren." She choked on he food that she was eating, even though past night is amazing. She felt embarrassed to even look at him right now, she felt like she would burn if she look up at him. " Yes,lady Mikasa is here."

He heard the door open, followed by the chair being moved and someone sitting beside her, she knows that presence. It's clearly him and at that moment she just wished that she is invisible. She would remember what happened last night if she even look at him. Mikasa sighed, pretending that she didn't saw him. She would be awkward.

She continue eating various types of fruits until she's completely full while Eren just look at her in complete silence, he didn't know what to say either but after a few minutes he cough, her eyes immediately look at him. Her stormy grey eyes meets a viridian colored of eyes, it's a beautiful color. Something she tried to avoid because if she look at those eyes, she would be hypnotized by their color, it may be dull but it is beautiful. He was the first person that she was that has a green colored of eyes. In their country people often has brown eyes and grey eyes.

"What?" She reluctantly says to him, her eyes wide open as she gulp down.
The man didn't say anything but just look at her, he seems pretty embarrassed too because he kept his foot still , something he doesn't usually do.

"Are you alright?"

Mikasa nodded her head, averting his eyes looking up at anything except him. " Of course, I'm alright. Why wouldn't I?"
"Maybe your soar?" He ask, embarasssed. He wasn't the type of person to ask if a person is alright or what.

"I'm alright." She smiled at him, the embarrassment is gone and she felt light hearted to be ask by him. Her heart beat fast against her ribcage and there was a fluttery feeling in her stomach, though it felt really weird. It was a welcomed feeling. "A battle wound still hurts more than this even though it felt like my flesh has just been teared apart. Won't you agreed, idiot?"

" I have no idea." He replied.

" Exactly why your an idiot." She told him. Mikasa laughs when she glances at him and see his scrunched face, he was glaring at her.

"Take a joke." She shakes her head and stood up, planning to stroll down and get some flowers again. This time, maybe a red rose would be fine or something with a positive meaning behind them. Eren took a cup  of water and drink it, until he couldn't feel the soarness of his thought, taking as many water as he can, he put the cup on the table after. Mikasa consume one raspberry and took the cup she saw on the table and drink the water, to push the berry to her stomach. She smiled towards him after, it just felt like it.

They were always like that anyway, they would always teased each other or something. They are complicated, they didn't even know what their relationship is. They didn't know what they are towards each other. A person who met under unfortunate circumstances? They aren't like that.
A person who found refuge with each other? They aren't like that either. They were complicated, probably one of the worst way you met someone.


_____

There was a comfortable silence between the two of them as they look at the field and the trees were bringing a rusting sound and the wind hugged them comfortably. The birds were also chirping in the trees. How long has it been since they met each other? Right, it's been five months since then. Five months that she hadn't seen her parents and in the bottom of her heart, she still misses them. A feeling she forced to hide under a mask. Yeah, it maybe fun to be with him but to be with them is just something else. She couldn't choose.

Who actually weighs better for her?
She didn't know, it troubles her. She discovered what she felt for him, she want dumb that she wouldn't know what she's feeling.
Perhaps if she want to, she can conceal what she's feeling deep inside. It's not too late for that, she hadn't fallen really hard for him. She can move on and yet when she looks up to him, there's something deep inside of her that just wants her to be with him.

Love is dumb, she concluded afterwards.

The whole day, they where like that. She cuddled to him and he held her closed, perhaps they had an unwritten and unspoken deal within them. Eren wanted her close to him and she wanted the same thing.

To he wrapped with each other, to feel each other's skin. It's stupid they know, yet they did it. Paying no mind of their invisible line, maybe since that night it was completely broken or even before that time.

'Its stupid to fall inlove with him." She told herself and yet she continue to fall for him,she sank  deeper. She can't move on, she can't. She really can't.
The boundaries and walls between them shattered that night, their bodies do the talk, wanting each other and as selfish it may sound, they only want each other.

Something others will not understand, but they do and that's just about it. Nobody else but them, as they stare at each other. Their eyes seems to talked, heart beats fast as they stared with each other and as they do, their lips soon collide with each other. As if it's the most natural thing that ever happened, intoxicated with each other maybe. They helped closed to each other, forgetting their worries that this is just temporary, soon they will part ways and they needed to stop this madness.


Yet, they can't. It's as if a forced of nature is telling them to be together, for once they should try to wear their hearts to their.sleevss and tell each other.what they are.feeling, instead of using their bodies to talk to each other. It's not something,Mikasa regrets although she will agree to herself that whatever she's doing is crazy, an absolute madness. She likes the feeling, it's thrilling yet she knows that it will end soon and they will continue living like each other didn't exist in the first place.

Can they actually do that?







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