Sapiosexual [XXXTENTACION]

S I X T Y F I V E

-Talyeh G-

Today I decided to just relax and stay home. Jahseh would be gone all day at school and I would use this time to get settled in, unpack and have some me time.

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything lately. Like the fact that in four months I'm going to have a whole baby.

I'm going to be someone's mother.

Like that's crazy.

I've been feeling a little bit... angry. At myself. At jahseh. At my parents. At the world.

It's like no matter how hard I try, I can't win. I just can't win.

I feel like my life is slowly being picked apart, the things that make me happy going the fastest.

How do I make this feeling go away. How do I stop the tears from falling?

I heard three low knocks on my door. I decided against getting up and stayed where I was.

I was currently sitting in a pool of baby stuff that I recently bought. I didn't know the gender yet, but I had decided to stack up on things I knew I would need no matter the gender.

I got diapers, wipes, burping cloths, bottles, basically the basics. I wanted to do a white crib so it would match my bedroom but I also wanted to wait to get the crib because I planned to bedshare anyways.

I was pulled from my thoughts when my door opened, revealing Miss Cleo.

"Hey baby. I'm just checking up on you, you haven't left your room all day," she smiled at me.

"Yeah I've just been unpacking some baby stuff, trying to figure out where I want everything at," I explained.

"You know if you wanted, there's another bedroom we aren't using, we could turn that into a nursery that way you could have more space," she offered.

"We could do that but when the baby comes home from the hospital I think I want her to sleep with me until she's a little bit older. Probably until she doesn't wake up a bunch in the night," I explained.

"So it's a girl?" She asked eagerly.

"I don't know yet, but I'm hoping," I smiled. "I wouldn't know what to do with a boy."

Miss Cleo smiled as she looked over the floor full of baby items, "I see you're already stocking up, that's good. Have you signed up for any birthing classes or anything like that?"

"No, I wanted to though. I just don't know where to start," I admitted.

"Well, baby, that's what I'm here for. Grandma Is here to help. I have the number to the group I used when I was pregnant with Aiden, that woman is a miracle worker," she explained. "She can also help you with breast feeding and so much more."