13 Reasons Why Hannah Baker Lived

Chapter 54: Is It A Drill? Part 1

Where do I even start. Do I start with Tyler maybe buying guns again, or do I start with what Clay did? Justin, Jessica, & Zach told me what happened at Find Your Drink. Justin & Jessica told me that Clay beat some guy but they don't know why, but Zach did. Unfortunately, I had to go to the hospital to see him because he got in a car wreck. Zach told me that he got Clay to have sex with a girl at the party who ended up being the sheriff's daughter. Clay only agreed to it if Zach would let him drive his Audi. I have to admit, hearing that hurt a little bit. Was this how he felt when he found out about me & Zach? But that's not the worst part. The car wreck was caused by Clay. Zach says that Clay just looked out of it as he speed up. When they crashed, Clay just left him. I couldn't believe he would do something like that, especially after what happened with Jeff. Zach told the authorities that he lost control of his car and didn't tell them about Clay.

Dr. Ellman: And how does that make you feel?

I just told Dr. Ellman about Clay having sex with the sheriff's daughter, but not about the wreck.

Hannah Baker: It hurt me a little bit. But I did do the same when I dated Zach and not told anyone about it. Not even on the tapes.

Dr. Ellman: Did you ever talked to Clay about each other's feeling?

Hannah Baker: Never got a chance. I'm worried about him. I'm worried about Tyler.

Dr. Ellman: Why Tyler?

Hannah Baker: I'm afraid that he might...

I can't tell him about Tyler and the guns.

Hannah Baker: Fall in a dark place. He's been acting weird, lately. But I'm more worried about Clay. It's not like him to start up fights. Let alone beat up a guy to a bloody pulp. Justin told me that Clay's parents had the both of them take a drug test. Justin passed his test, but Clay didn't. Clay failed his test. I'm guessing he told you about it. I know, I know, you can't say anything. Justin told me that Clay didn't know how he failed his test. He accused Justin of switching the test. I can't believe he would accuse Justin of that. And then Justin catches him hitting a bong. And yet, he accuses Justin of switching the drug test. It's just isn't like him. What happened to the sweet shy boy that I meet at The Crestmont who wanted to show me the moon? The sweet shy boy I danced with at the Winter Formal? The boy I fell in love with. This boy that I'm hearing about... that's not Clay.

Dr. Ellman: Then who is he?

Hannah Baker: Sound like a complete stranger to me.

Dr. Ellman: Hannah, can I ask you something?

Hannah Baker: Yeah.

Dr. Ellman: Why were you at Navy Pier?

I also told him that I stopped by Navy Pier, but didn't tell him that Clay was also there.

Hannah Baker: I've been thinking about Bryce Walker lately.

Dr. Ellman: Why?

Hannah Baker: (Exhales) My friends recently told me about what he tried to do before he died.

I knew I had to tell him about Bryce trying to be a better person. It would've ate me up. But I'm gonna try my best not to mention the tape he made, otherwise we're fucked.

Dr. Ellman: What did he try to do?

Hannah Baker: Be a better person. Tyler told us that he told Bryce about what Monty did to him before he told any of us.