Eighty-Two-Beyond Boarders 23.5

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Tris

We continue searching the surrounding areas for metals and computers, other needed commodities for the city. We've been going on foot regularly because we've been seeing more and more airplanes above head. They all seem to come and go to the same general direction. When we see them coming, we hide.
At home tonight, Eric pulls me to him and teaches me to dance with his records playing. He holds me close and tells me he loves me. Then he gets down on his knees and extends what I saw him pocketing before out to me. "It's always been you, Stiff. Since the first day you arrived in Dauntless, I've wanted you. You're finally free and I can't live without you anymore. Be my wife?" he pleads.
My heart beats wildly in my chest at his admission. I didn't know—never knew he had feelings for me all along. But I love him, too. I want this. I want him... from this moment forth. But I remember what I am, that I'm different. So I tell him, attempt to explain.
"I don't care about all that. This new world has opened my eyes. That doesn't matter. Only you matter. You're my whole world and I want you... forever," he tells me.
I laugh in disbelief and let him slide the ring on my finger.
"Marry me... now?" he whispers as he kisses me.
"How?" I chuckle lightly as we separate.
"You know I'm a Dauntless leader. I can perform the ceremony," he grins smugly.
"Alright," I agree wanting forever to start immediately. I want him.  I want this. 
He recites the words, and we say I do. I slide a matching ring from his pocket onto his finger and he kisses his bride. He leads me upstairs to our bedroom and we share the same bed, making love all night. I can't help but be drawn to him, exploring each other for days on end.
"I love you," he tells me constantly... and I tell him the same.
After days upon days spent only in each other's arms, we decide to finally surface and get back to the mission. We can't help but return every night and make love for hours upon hours.
"I never want to leave here," he whispers on my skin. I smile and kiss him.
The next morning during our searches, we hide. An unusual vehicle noisily whirrs through the street.
"That is not a Dauntless truck," he whispers to me. I nod in understanding.
There's a dark skinned man driving through town. The vehicle is more futuristic-looking than anything from our city and not that much time has passed. The man turns around for several stretches patrolling our area—searching.
"Where oh where are you, Eric?" the man sarcastically goads through the window. "Let me satisfy that Erudite curiosity of yours," he says almost teasingly. He chuckles and I look to Eric. He's pale and almost fearful.
"You look like you've seen a ghost," I point out in a breathless whisper.
"I think I have," he admits softly.
"What?" I question completely befuddled.
"That was Amar, my trainer from initiation.... and he's dead," he tells me.
He explains everything and I see now why everyone freaks out. Ghosts, flying machines... they can't handle the truth. The reality of it is weird and inconceivable and confusing.
"Why don't we follow where the airplanes go and find out the truth for ourselves?" I suggest.
His eyes immediately snap to mine.
"Go there?" he questions in disbelief. I think the truth may scare him now. He was curious before... but now, his opinion has clearly changed.
"We don't have to if you don't want to," I tell him softly, understandingly.
"But you want to go," he notices. He's very astute.
I nod in acknowledgment. I don't want to lie to him.
"I would've stayed here surviving and making love to you for the rest of my life," he tells me seriously and I truly believe this is the life he wants with me. "... but if you want to go, then we'll go."
"Okay," I say softly. He's conceding for me. He's making it my choice and I appreciate that.
He kisses me and we return home that evening. We make love through the night... and it's almost as if he's saying goodbye to me.
"I love you, Tris... my sweet little Divergent Stiff," he says lovingly to me in the night as he caresses me.
I smile at his words. "My Nose," I say rubbing our noses together affectionately before I kiss him in reply.
We pack up our things in the morning and take Alpha One. We drive on the same main road we traveled to arrive here in the first place and follow it out toward the destination of the airplanes. The same kind of futuristic vehicle that we've seen meets us. I step out of our truck when Eric parks it. He follows quickly only for my protection. I can tell by the blood draining from his face that he's genuinely afraid. The same dark-skinned man we've seen previously steps out laughing.
"There he is," he grins. He actually appears... happy.
"Amar," Eric replies breathlessly, almost incredulously.
"You know it, man," he responds.
He shakes Eric's hand and hugs him.
"But you're dead," Eric says in disbelief.
"I'm not dead, man. Not a ghost either. Just saved by your little sweetheart's mom," he tells us.
"What?" I ask confused thinking I must've heard wrong or misunderstood.
"We'll explain," he grins and reaches out to shake my hand.
He insists we follow him, so we do. We drive to the source of the airplanes. The fences here rival ours around the city—but not in height, in danger for sure. They look sharp and electrical. I'm hoping they allow us to leave because I'm not scaling that mess.
We're brought inside the enormous building called the Bureau. I see the airplanes that are much larger than I could've ever imagined up close. We're explained the reason behind the city—the Divergent. I'm told my mother works for them undercover in the city, that she's originally from out here. We're both given an injection containing nanites to read our genetic maps. It's determined that I'm one hundred percent healed, known as Divergent in the city and Pure outside. My ancestors' supposed genetic tampering has been completely healed. Eric's results are surprising—to him and the staff. He's ninety-nine and nine tenths percent healed.
"What does that mean?" he asks confused.
"You're Pure," Matthew shrugs taking a bite of his apple.
"You mean Divergent?" Eric questions.
Matthew nods as he chews. I hold Eric's hand. He must've not known.
"It's your choice if you want to stay or return to the city," David explains to us later on.
I look to Eric. I've been unable to read him this whole visit. I feel like it's more than he can handle. He appears completely overwhelmed.  I take him aside to the room we've been given. He lays me down on our bed and we make love. He holds me through the night but says he wants to leave in the morning.
"Where are we going?" I ask him.
"To finish our mission," he replies.
I follow him out and we drive off. We arrive at our home which feels more like our most recent base than our home anymore. We continue on searching for our goal. Eric is quiet. He doesn't speak much to me. We have sex in the night... more like penetration and not making love. He doesn't tell me he loves me, he doesn't caress me or kiss me. 
One morning, he decides we're leaving. I follow his orders and we spend a good portion of the day loading up the truck. On the way back to the city, we encounter Amar and his crew of unbelievably brawny men—more substantial than even Eric. We stop and meet with them. They inject us with a grey serum, holding us both down against our will to do so. Amar apologizes profusely but says they have to do this...
I feel like I've fallen asleep. I wake beside Eric. He's sitting up in the driver's seat and we're back where we started our trip—just outside of the forest at Amity. The grassy clearing is right ahead of us and we're on the smooth road at a standstill. Eric is conscious and staring.
"Everything alright?" I ask him.
"Yeah," he says gruffly.
He puts the vehicle into drive and attempts communication to Dauntless through the radio. They respond, laughing in disbelief and tell us to come straight in.
We stop at the gate checkpoint, being congratulated by the guards. Eric then proceeds to drive us straight to the parking garage in Dauntless. He parks us right where we were before the trip started, just facing the opposite direction. I climb out and so does he. I'm about to ask him what's next when he's rushed by several soldiers, generals, and members in congratulations. Someone taps my shoulder and I turn around. I'm taken by surprise in his arms and he kisses me—not Eric. I break free and slap him, hard. Four. He's holding his cheek staring at me confused. But I see Eric's back as he's striding out of the parking garage, headed for the Pit. I chase after him.
"Eric?" I question running for him.
I reach him and touch his hand.
He pushes me up against the wall roughly.
"Don't," he tells me angrily in my face.  He looks enraged. "You can go back to your old life."
He releases me and walks away. I stare in his wake utterly confused. He doesn't want me anymore? I don't understand.
"Welcome home, Officer Prior," Jax greets me.
I wipe the tears from my eyes and face him saluting. "Sir," I nod.
"Let's do a briefing while they unload. You'll get the weekend off and then things will go back to normal," he tells me.
I nod.
He takes me into the security conference room. I explain everything that happened. I tell him all vital information relating to the mission. I remember it all—the memory serum, the Bureau, Eric is my husband... but I don't tell them that. That, I keep tucked away in my heart for processing later. I explain how we were separated from our team. Apparently, the other group spent a day or two looking for us, assumed we were dead and went home to Dauntless—half walking, half driving slowly alongside. A search team with Marco went back to the site looking for the truck to tow back to Dauntless and they found our message.
"Did they have anything unusual to report?" I question.
"No," Jax says shaking his head. "Other than they were grateful you two were alive, that's all."
If they don't remember the airplane, Amar and his crew absolutely encountered them, wiped their minds. They're not Divergent though, and unable to resist serums like me. I think about that. Eric is Divergent. He should remember everything. But... he's choosing to forget me. It's intentional. Maybe he never even loved me...
"That's all, Prior. You're free to go," Jax tells me interrupting my thoughts.
"Yes, sir," I nod rising. I salute him and leave.
I go to dinner and sit down by myself. I pick at my food. I see Eric enter with the rest of leadership. They get their trays and sit down at their table. He avoids me completely.
Four comes in and attempts to sit with me. I see the welt I left on his cheek.
"We have not been together for over five years. Don't come near me again," I tell him angrily getting up.
I sit elsewhere and continue to pick at my food. I eat a couple bites but I feel sick to my stomach. Eric rises and goes to leave. I approach him but he walks around me and exits the cafeteria without a word to me.
My friends greet me when they see me and I force a smile. I excuse myself and go home for the weekend. I stay in my apartment and eat whatever I have in my cupboards. It's much more than we had and I can survive with it.
I join Dana at church on Sunday. I see my family and my grandparents. My mother asks me how it went.
"It was eye opening," I tell her staring.
"Did they not give you the serum?" she asks worriedly.
"They did," I tell her. "I remember it all, though."
She nods and thinks that's what's wrong with me. It's better than me somehow explaining what I can't even comprehend—that my husband doesn't want me anymore. So, I don't tell her.
I go back to work on Monday and do my same routine before all this happened. I see him in meetings and he avoids me completely. I do my job and keep my head down.
A few weeks later, I end up in the infirmary. I passed out at work. I can't keep anything down. Dana takes me aside and asks if she needs to run a pregnancy test on me. I think about it and realize she probably doesn't need to. I know it. But she does anyway. I take the results straight up to his office. I set the test on his desk.
"I'll have to talk to you later, Ryan," Eric says to the other leader.
Ryan leaves shutting the door.
"What is this?" Eric questions.
"We're pregnant," I tell him.
"What happens outside the fence, stays outside the fence. Ask Four for help. Or abort it. I don't care," he tells me. I know he's lying. I know him. He's hurt. I can see it in his eyes.
"I'm going to speak and you're going to listen. I have not been with Four for over five years. It was either Prue or Sage that said that disgusting line, not me. Four kissed me when we arrived. I shoved him and slapped him. Go check the footage if you don't believe me. I will not abort our child but I guess I will raise it by myself if you choose to continue to ignore your wife. Here's your ring. If you love me, you will find me when you come to your senses," I say setting it on his desk beside the positive test.
I walk out his door and leave it open. I run through the compound and ride the train to church. I sit in the pews and cry until my grandpa comes out and comforts me. I stay in Erudite for days with them. I can't stop crying. They understand.
I come back on Monday and try to go through the motions. Eric still ignores me. Four approaches me in the cafeteria and I slap him again. Eric saw that one, though. I leave. I know I need sustenance but I just can't deal with the associated drama. I eat lunch at home that day.  I pack from now on, eating in my office or at home.
It snows outside one day. I stand above the member's entrance and let it fall on me. I close my eyes and let each cold flake caress my skin and melt, reminding me of my rain showers that washed me clean. I miss those days.  It all seemed oddly clear—simple and straightforward.  Now everything's just confusing, emotional, difficult. 
"I looked into it," Eric says behind me.
I hadn't even heard him arrive.  I don't respond, though.
"You did hit him," he realizes.
I sigh shakily. I'm not expecting much from him. I'm not expecting anything.
"You didn't kiss back either," he continues.
I look at him with tears falling from my eyes. I'm not strong enough to lose him again, so I don't get my hopes up.
"I'm sorry," he apologizes.
I nod... and walk away closing my eyes in anguish. I'm not strong enough to be his mistake.
"Tris?" he calls out to me gently holding me in place.
"What?" I cry. "You're sorry that you made a mistake with me?  You're sorry you ever got close to me?  What are you sorry for, Eric?" I sob.
"I'm sorry for drawing the wrong conclusions about you. I thought you wanted him, not me," he admits. "I've always thought that."
"We were together for like a week or two after initiation, a month if you count during. I didn't need any longer to see that he treated me terribly and we were all wrong for each other," I say.
He looks surprised. "He used you," he realizes. "He shouldn't have come after initiates."
"No, he shouldn't have. The moment I realized he'd put me at risk like that, I ended it. He didn't care about me. He cares about how I made him feel about himself," I reply.
"I was wrong," Eric says softly. "Could you forgive me?"
I meet his eyes and see he's serious.
I nod and walk away.
"Can't we fix this?" he asks chasing after me. 
"Do you want to?" I ask confused. I don't know what he wants.
"I do," he nods moving closer to me. "I'm not good at this," he admits. "But I want you. I always have."
I frown unable to believe that.
"Baby," he says caressing my cheek. "I want you," he whispers. "Forever. In Dauntless, outside... it doesn't matter. They both are the same. Be my bride."
He takes my hand in his and places a black ring in the palm of my hand. "I had to give them the others. They were rare, needed. These are Dauntless—common here but still from me. Will you still have me?" he asks.
I meet his eyes. He's serious but I need to know for sure. 
"Do you love me?" I whisper.
"More than anything," he nods moving closer to me hesitantly.
I graze his clean-shaven jaw with my hand and kiss his lips.  He deepens the kiss wrapping his arms around me in a strong embrace. I melt in his arms, a place I've been longing to be again for so long.  I wonder if this is just a dream. 
"God, I've missed you," he sighs holding me tightly.
I smile at that. His hand caresses my abdomen affectionately.
"We'll have to have a reception," he grins. "I already filled out the forms. You're officially my bride in Dauntless."
"When did you do that?" I question.
"My head knew the truth. It just took my heart a little longer," he admits meeting my eyes.  He looks ashamed.
"When?" I ask again.
"The day we came back. I wanted to make it as hard for Four as it was for me to let you go," he divulges.
"You were being petty in your own mind," I tease.
He purses his lips and nods.
"I was," he admits.
"Aren't you glad Four has never really been part of the equation?" I grin.
He sighs. He looks embarrassed for jumping to conclusions. 
"Had I known, I would've knocked you up years ago," he jokes.
I laugh at that.
"Not without this," I say holding up the ring in my hand.
He grins and takes it between his thumb and index finger, sliding it on my ring finger. I take his new black one and put it in place on his hand as well. He carries me to his apartment and we stay there for weeks. Then, we finally emerge for our wedding reception with the faction. The party lasts all weekend. Four seems jealous like I've never seen from him. But Eric... Eric is different.  When he gets jealous, I never want to see anything like that again. I convince him daily that he's the only one for me, the only man I've ever let into my heart.  We love each other so deeply, so fully that we just can't even understand it anymore.  We find new depth in our relationship together, our love grows so complete for each other every day, just like our child in my womb.  I've realized when we pull down the walls that stand between us, there's nothing we wouldn't do for each other. Our love is boundless—beyond all boarders.

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