changes - PIERRE GASLY

-fifty one-

aubrey's pov:

i'm sick and tired of waking up in the hospital, it's been 3 days and the smell, the depressing white walls... ugh i need to get out of here before i end up in the psych floor.

my leg is doing what it needs to do, i just can't believe i have to be in a cast for a few month, meaning am gonna need some help and if am being honest, i don't want to be around anyone. the girls, lando, daniel and lance came to visit and i couldn't make i contact, the sadness was to much, heidi only called me, which i don't blame her.
we both have something in common.

the good thing is... "good", i'm getting discharge right know and i'm flying back to milan and meet my parents there, there staying a few days to help me out and see i don't go into a depressive state.

i haven't been able to speak to pierre, properly anyway, because i don't know what to say, we just move and don't say more then yes or no questions. does your pillow feel okay? yes. can you help me to the bathroom? yeah. ready to go home? mhm.

it was time to leave and i said my thank you'd to all the medical staff, they gave me a wheelchair to leave the hospital, i felt to useless but they just said it's hospital protocol. i tried not to think about the fact that we were leaving empty handed, well that's not entirely true, they gave us his ashes... i know. it was a boy, a baby boy, a mini pierre, a least that's what we called him PIERRE NICHOLAS GASLEY it read on his urn, i only looked at it for a second it's too much to look at right know, i'm not ready.
when we arrived to the car that's when it hit, literally, about the accident and apparently i'm afraid to get in one, so i had to fall asleep in order to get in so i wouldn't freak out... yeah ptsd is one more thing to worry about.

once we got to the hotel we had to go through the back entrence, we weren't really paparazzi ready, the crutches being my statement piece.

we got peacefully to our room with the help of the hotel staff. it was weird going in, it felt like weeks have gone by but it was only days and everything looked the same.
i watch as pierre left the bags on the couch and went into the bathroom to take a shower, once i heard the water running i tried to grab my suit case close to my cloth and start packing, i need to get out of mexico. i through all my cloth on the floor next to the suit case so i can sit next to it and do it faster.

i was almost done with that when pierre came out of the bathroom with just a towel tied up to his waist, i could think of something sexual but all i can think of is that i miss his hugs, he hasn't really touch me the past few days, which is understandable duh but he moves around me like he's afraid i'll break fiscally and mentally and it's actually really sad.

"you should've waited for me to help you" he said finishing getting dress "you could've fallen".

"i know but i need to get use to it, otherwise i won't be able to do anything alone, plus once i go back to argentina my parents and the girls can't be with me 24/7 you know?" i wish i didn't look at his face when i said that.

"what are you talking about moving to argentina? we live in milan, you can't just leave".

"pierre... i can't go to that house and walk by the nursery like it's nothing, i'm only going back because my parents are flying in to help me get my stuff and go back home".

"home. and you didn't think this was something we should talk about first? you're making decision for yourself... like there's no us" he moved to the middle of the room with his head down and hands on his hips.

i tried my best to get up and sit at the nearest chair taking a deep breath "you have races to be at, people our counting on you to be there, plus you have to see about moving to alpine and all that... so i think it's a good time to just take a break... from us" it's like my chest is being ripped out again.