Nat x Wanda x Yelena One Shots

Bipolar (different version) pt. 2 - n.r.

TW; mentions of self harm and suicide. Read catiously.
Reach out for help if needed.
I am also always here to listen.
Triggers up ahead.
[Reader...]

I can feel myself getting worse.

Nat sensed i was angry with her after replying very short and monotonous like sentences. I had to play it off like i was okay.

She seemed to buy it as she didn't question me further on it.

Although, i haven't moved from my bed all day. Buck came in to check on me, not saying a word as he looked over my shoulder only to see my eyes were open and staring blankly at the wall in-front of me. He didn't say anything, not even make a face. But he stood there for a second or two longer before deciding to overall leave me be. I was grateful for that.

Even getting up to go to the restroom feels exhausting.

I am happy it's connected to our room so i don't have to run into anyone.

My thighs are now filled with small knicks i gave myself from my blade, not noticeable enough to question if need be, but sting enough to feel a bit of relief.

I feel a bit bad although, i promised Nat i wouldn't try to hurt myself. Not since the last time i practically ruined our relationship with taking a stupid bet with a stupid 'friend' for some stupid reason.

But i needed to feel something other than this impending exhaustion and emotion that weighs my body down. Just until she gets back.

What are a few small knicks going to do? Theres no wrong in a few tiny cuts, that can't be considered self harm. They're not even large enough to see. I'll be fine.

Or atleast that's what im trying to convince myself with.

When i finished in the bathroom i walk toward the bed before looking around the room, the mess i had made from just throwing things on the ground after my showers. I hadn't even noticed how messy it got until now.

I look around the room before deciding just to pick everything up, as i was doing that i realized how much things i had and wanted to get rid of them, so i walked over to the bathroom cabinet grabbing trash bags to throw them in when i noticed the bathroom was also a disaster.

The only thing with this small burst of depressive energy, i made a complete mess and only furthered my frustration at the world. Tears rolled down my cheeks as i looked around my even dirtier room.

I felt alone.
I reached for my phone to call Nat but quickly remembered she can't take calls on this mission.

Just as i was going to text her, i decided not to. I didn't want to stress her out with this sort of thing. It was stupid really. All i have to do is pile things into their respective piles before putting them away, it'll make it way easier. I convinced myself.

So i got to work.

I worked for another three and a half hours trying to put things in piles, only dropping things everywhere and growing even more frustrated. My abger getting so bad i threw a shoe frustratedly at the pile of books on my desk only for them to drop to the floor making an even bigger mess. I sat on my butt before setting my head in my hands, crying as i didn't know what to do anymore.

I laid down almost falling asleep before getting back up. Wanting to try once more. So i did. Only being able to clear off my bed this time i was able to put my blankets and pillows rigjt back on.

At this point my body was extremely exhausted from all of the rearranging i left the even worse mess the way it was, climbing into bed as i tried not to think about how much i missed Nat.

I even tried to think about happier things, but it didn't work.

My mind only brought up things to make me paranoid and hurt. So much so, i wanted to bring them up with Nat, even if i didn't.

Little did i know that Tony, Buck, and Wanda along with Peter and Yelena were right outside my soundproof door speaking about me.

"Is she cleaning?" Tony asked coming up to the group.

"Rearranging." Peter corrected, Tony immediately wiped the smug smile off of his face.

"Not again." He said, a tremble soft in his voice.

Wanda nodded with her lips in a tight line. Yelena sighed rubbing her eyes. Peter only listened to he sure i was still focused on the task at hand.

Yelena was the next to speak. "Should i call my sister?" She asked, Tony shook his head.

"She's on a mission, she can't take calls."

"Her girlfriend is rearranging their room, this warrants for a call." She growled at her practical boss.

"It does not. For all we know she just needs some space." Tony tried to reason, but he was only kidding himself. He knew what this meant. But he knew bothering Natasha on an important mission would only put her into danger, and at risk.

"You really don't believe that, do you?" Wanda questioned, Tony sighed.

"She only rearranges when she-" Bucky started but was quickly stopped by Peter.

"Yeah, we know."

"Well i don't, someone spit it out." Yelena practically yelled.

"Y/n only rearranges when something in her life explodes, like bad. She won't talk about it much, she'll act like it doesn't bother her until it does..." Wanda starts.

"But that doesn't seem like a bad coping strategy" Yelena questioned, Buck sighed.

"She rearranges because she can't control anything else, but usually in the middle or at the end she goes into an extreme low, doesn't speak, doesnt look, not even to Nat. Right now we at least get a sentence or two, but during those times.. nothing." He sighed, Peter continued the explaining after.

"She usually hurts herself really bad after, or.. tries to commit." He said sadly, Yelena's face now saddened.

"Last time we didn't notice until it was almost too late, she was punching a punching bag in the training room when her hands started to bleed and still didn't stop. We had to rush her to the Med tech to repair them. After, we found her face up in the pool just... floating. When we asked she just said she no longer hears anything, and then Nat found her trying to drown herself in their tub." He sighed once more.

"Y/n wants to rescue everyone else but... when it comes to herself she refuses the rescue." Buck said

As they continued to have their conversation, i looked at my phone.
Seen 10m ago.

I sigh trying to will myself not to cry before going to bed. A part of me really wanting to text Nat. Another not wanting to be a complete nuisance.

Her mission is important, it makes her happy. I can't ruin that.

I wont ruin that.