I will always, choose you

132| learning about mama's past

(february)

It wasn't going to be the easiest day today, Natasha knew that, Natasha also knew that it was time to tell Y/n. The conversation wouldn't be easy for them, especially for Natasha who has blocked out most of the events since having Y/n, and she was sure Y/n would be heartbroken.

Natasha didn't know how she was going to tell Y/n, she didn't want to go into every detail, and she definitely didn't want to throw herself into some flashback, which has happened in the past when she's tried to explain to the team what's happened.

"Y/n sweetheart, can i speak to you please?" Natasha said knocking on the living room door, Y/n was on the floor playing with Billy and Tommy, she slowly got up to her feet and followed her mother out the room and upstairs to her mothers bed room.

Y/n ran up and jumped onto Natasha's bed with a smile, when she noticed that Natasha didn't have a smile on her face, she frowned, she read her mothers face and could feel and tell that she was nervous and a bit anxious, which was odd as she could never read Natasha.

"What's wrong mama?" Y/n questioned, Natasha let out a small sigh and sat on the bed next to Y/n, she placed her hand on hers and rubbed her thumb over her knuckle, Y/n looked up with a confused look again, she was more than confused now.

"I have something to tell, something that i've been needing to tell you since you were born" Natasha started, Y/n's eyes widened slightly, since she was born? That's a long secret that's she's kept, Y/n tilted her head in confusion, it never looked like Natasha was hiding anything.

"Hidden? Like hidden hidden away" Y/n asked, Natasha shook her head and looked down at the mattress, Y/n shifted closer to Natasha and looked into her eyes, Natasha was doing as best she could to avoid all eyes contact with Y/n, if she did make eye contact she'd probably cry.

"You'll understand when i say, i hope" Natasha sighed, Y/n nodded her head and twisted the rings on Natasha's fingers, she waited patiently for Natasha to start speaking as clearly this wasn't the easiest subject to talk about, she understood that and waited for her.

"You know how mama goes and fights all the bad guys don't you?" Natasha said, Y/n gasped and nodded her head enthusiastically, telling Natasha all she heard from Tony about how good she was and all the cool tricks that she does and how she kills them all.

"You're like the best on the team!" Y/n squealed, Natasha smiled slightly but it wiped off when she remembered how she was taught, it wasn't an option for her to be so good at this, to be 'the best on the team', it wasn't a choice she had.

"Sweetheart, that's the thing. There is a reason behind that, a very serious reason" Natasha spoke seriously, the sun had disappeared behind a cloud now the room was dark, Y/n nodded her head worriedly and looked at Natasha who looked a lot sadder than she did before the conversation started.

"If you want me to stop telling you, speak up, because it isn't very nice" Natasha warned, Y/n nodded her head and kept looking at her mother waiting for her to start, she noticed the shaky breath she took before she started speaking, and the way her voice shook.

"When i was 3, i was taken away from my mother. I was put in a place, called... called the red room" Natasha had to stop speaking and take another breath in, looking up at the ceiling and blinking back her tears, Y/n frowned noticing her mother sadness.

"Grandma Melina and Grandpa Alexei were doing a mission with me and Auntie Lena, we were a pretend family for a long time, before one night we had to go back. I remember i was driving a plane, Melina was hurt, and they took me and Yelena" Natasha said, tears started falling.

"It was a place of torture, we were forced to do stuff like learn to shoot guns and dance until we had to beg to stop, our feet were ruined and our hands were ruined, it was awful. If you failed to dance or shoot, there were punishments.

Like for example your head would be dunked into a barrel of water or you'd just have to keep going. When we reached a certain age, they have a graduation ceremony, they sterilize you" Natasha was in tears and her words weren't very clear but Y/n was able to catch it.

"They chop up everything inside you, i could've sworn i had that. That's why i don't get a period, and i- i cant have children" Natasha mumbled wiping her eyes, Y/n gasped covering her mouth, she was crying quietly whilst Natasha explained everything going on, she hated her mother went through hate.

"But i had you Y/n, and you saved my life in every way, you were a little miracle and you're completely mine" Natasha sobbed, Y/n flung herself into her mothers arms, both girls sobbed to each other, Y/n was holding Natasha as tight as could.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that mama, i didn't realise" Y/n cried, Natasha hugged her daughter tightly rubbing her back, Y/n looked up at her mother and cried even more, she hated everything that happened to her mother, she was the best mom in the whole world.

"But why mama, you're so nice and good why did they hurt you" Y/n sobbed sitting up in Natasha's lap, Natasha cupped her daughters cheeks and wiped her tears away, she pulled her head close to her and kissed her forehead, tracing her thumb over it.

"I don't know my love, i really don't know" Natasha cried, Y/n reached up slowly and wiped the tears away from Natasha's eyes, Natasha managed to let out a small smile, Y/n placed her finger on Natasha's lips before crashing full speed back into her body, sobbing into her chest.

"I love you so much mama, i hate everyone who hurt you, i hope they're dead" Y/n sobbed, Natasha sobbed with Y/n as she tried calming herself and her daughter down, she moved to stand up from her bed and walk around the room with Y/n in her arms.

"I love you too love, they're dead honey, they're all dead so you don't need to worry" Natasha cried, Y/n wrapped her legs tightly around her mothers waist and her arms around her neck, Natasha took a seat on the sofa in her room and calmed both themselves down.

//

i cried 🤚🏻